“Great is the Lord and
most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom! One generation will
commend Your works to another; they will tell of Your mighty acts!” (Psalm
145:3-4)
"Maybe your pain is really just a blessing waiting to lighten the burdens of others."
You ever get so excited to share something that you just
don’t know how you’ll possibly ever be able to make sense of it for others to
understand or how to make it sound as good as it really is in your head/heart?
It’s like I need a speedy brainstormer in my head to organize all the details
encompassing this beautiful “ah-ha” moment (truth) that God has revealed to me,
because, shoot we don’t have time for webbing or outlines; we are on the edge
of our seats just waiting to explode with good news!
I don’t know if you remember or even know, but March and
April of 2013 I wrote a blog post dedicated to FAITH. That’s over
two years ago and now I feel that God has led me to share where my faith stands
today!
My heart was forever changed the moment I had accepted God
as my Lord and that Jesus had died to save me eternally! My walk with God began
there… as a pre-teen. And now, at age 23, I don’t think my 11 year old self
knew she could truly have a relationship with God, what that even meant, and
for it to be as beautiful as they all proclaim it to be. Oh but, now, this I
know! There is no other love than the love of our Creator! It is COMPLETELY
perfect! One of my “online bible studies” put on by Proverbs 31
Ministries reminded me of this: the adventure with God is a lot less about the
places He eventually takes us and more about the relationship He establishes with us along the way. And boy does
that ring true! Maybe a growing relationship can’t be categorized as a physical
place, but to have better understanding and love for something…someone… than you
once did, shows that you are not where you once were when you first met, and to
me, that’s a different place! Each day is important in our walk with God; some
days are just more profound and pivotal. I’ve found that opportunity arises the
moment our eyes see a new day, and that our purpose isn’t some arrival we get
to and stop. God created us for His glory.
That’s it. We will have found the truest joy and peace and satisfaction in life
when we fulfill that purpose.
“Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your
children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north,
‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar and daughters from the ends of the earth –
everyone who is called by my name, who I created for my glory, whom I formed
and made.” (Isaiah 43:5-7)
This year is not yet over and by no means am I wishing it
away. 2015 has just personally been tremendous and a year of impact in my walk with
the Lord. I have stumbled, fallen, and failed. God softened my heart, reopened
wounds, and exposed the messy, fleshly, broken little girl that I was. Proverbs
24:16 tell us: “for though a righteous
man falls seven times, he rises again.” Never has God kept me down. He has
given me the strength to rise back up again and again. It’s the strength we
find in the very much misused, misapplied, and misinterpreted verse,
Philippians 4:13. “I can do all things
through Christ who gives me strength.”
You see, I know God wouldn’t want me to go off on a tangent
about how much this irks me as if I am somehow “better than.” I think this most
upsets me, because I, too, was that individual, plucking this verse out of its
context for MY advantage. You know how when you but heads or have clashing
personalities with someone, more often times than not it is because you are the
same. So for this scenario, that is applicable and true. I was arguably against
that verse being used for self-gain, yet I was living for MYSELF. I remember
when God unsettled me, started to stir something in me about a couple years ago
when I saw Philippians 4:13 painted on the walls of a gym. “Why does this not
set well with me, Lord?”
It is important to note that a big problem often occurs when
we take a verse out from the Bible. The context and meaning of one or two
sentences disjointed from its message can be altered tremendously. Just like I
wouldn’t take Acts 14:28 “And they stayed there a long time with the disciples.”
A random example, yes, but is this making sense? We would have to read more to know who stayed where a long
time and for what and why. Sometimes you have to read entire chapters or more
to get the meaning of one sentence. This truth is a personal conviction. God
does comfort us with His word. The problem is this: Philippians 4:13 has become
a battle cry of self-willed. The hiccup begins with “I”. The mistake is when we make this passage about ourselves. It’s
like saying “I want to do something
that I have determined I want to do and I am going to employ the power of Christ to accomplish my goal. Anything that is focused on self is worldly and is a sin.
“All things” …I don’t think God would enable a self willed
person to do all things. Remember the fall; remember what man was like when he
did? “The Lord saw how great man’s
wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts
of his heart was only evil all the time.” (Genesis 6:5) …Jesus knew that
“everything is possible” with God, but look at how he prayed to God in Mark
14:36 “And he said, Abba, Father,
everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but
what you will.” No wonder all things are possible through Christ! Jesus
gave it all to God and did nothing on his own accord.
Lets back up to verse 12 in Phil. chapter 4 where Paul says:
“I know what it is to be in need, and I
know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in
any and every situation, whether well fed or in want.” Now, let’s reflect
on 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 where the same Paul says: “To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great
revelations, there was given to me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan,
to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But
He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in
weakness’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so
that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight
in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For
when I am weak, then I am strong.
So, it is through Paul’s sufferings, do we learn the kind of
strength he imposes in Philippians 4:13. This man suffered greatly, all for the
glory of God. The key to this verse is “through Christ.” Yes, we can be
empowered to do anything but that “anything” must be God’s will, not our will.
We can learn from Jesus and how he lived. He gave the power to God. We can
learn from the apostle Paul. God gave him a thorn in his flesh, not as a
punishment but as a course correction.
God gave him the strength and ability to accomplish all things for the glory of
the Lord. God had a purpose for Paul’s life and He was going to make sure that
Paul didn’t let his ego interfere
with that purpose.
…
I remember back in April coming home one night (…most likely
from the gym) listening to the radio and then I heard THIS:
"...'I want my old life back.' And very gently but
firmly, through Colossians chapter 1, God reminded me that it wasn’t my old
life I wanted back. It was my old idols I wanted back, and He loved me too much
to give them to me. And what I realized in that moment was just how dependent I
had become on human approval and human acceptance and what other people thought
of me to make me feel important and to make me feel like I matter. And it was
during that time that God liberated me by helping me to see that Jesus plus
nothing equals everything. And I know that sounds like a trite, preachable
tagline, but it became my lifeline." -Tullian Tchividjian
This hit me like a ton of bricks because of how much I could
relate. I was at a crossroads in my life. *As I was delighting in the Lord-
seeking Him, deepening in my relationship with Him, He was giving me the
desires of my heart. Godly desires.* But I was fighting them and His will for
my life, all for the comfort of my old ways. Yet, my old ways were so unsatisfying.
“Why does this no longer bring me pleasure??” I would often wonder. I knew that
the gym had become an idol in my life. (Personal conviction) My exercise had
become a placement for vanity and human approval/acceptance. I now see it as a
slap in the Lord’s face. I was sadly saying, “I know Jesus loves me, but that’s
just not enough.” And when we live that way, we can become so insecure in who
we are, emotions being taken on a roller coaster, because humans fail, Jesus is
constant, to simply put it. I want to know every day who I am in Christ. Not who
I am to someone who doesn’t see or know Kalynn’s whole heart. How could they
possibly, even? God is omnipresent; He sees and knows, and He loves you so!!!
**Sidenote** “Delight
in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalms 37:4)
This verse is also often misinterpreted, I would say. God is not a genie. This
doesn’t mean “because you love God, He will grant you your wish for that new
car.” Instead, as we seek God and become more Christ-like, it’s inevitable that
we will have a heart change too. God will put godly desires within our hearts.
We will desire to be more like Jesus and less like this world. This is what I
was fighting through the transition of denying my selfish ways and following
the path of God. Fully surrendering is hard, but it is worth it
"Jesus said to His disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" (Matthew 16:24-26)
It’s important to have godly men and women in our lives.
Whatever the relationship be… mentors, friendships, parents… we all need at
least someone, who is going shine godly insight on a situation that we are
unable to see for ourselves. God talks through His word but just like He talked
to me through the radio, He also works through people. I remember being laid up
on the couch, due to a shin injury (caused in the gym). I was so disappointed
and quite honestly frustrated because I wanted to workout so badly. I got a
phone call from one of my best friends, who is a godly influence in my life.
She was relaying the message she received from her pastor’s sermon, and as she
was giving me scripture, the verse from John 13:7 stuck with me: “You do not realize now what I am doing, but
later you will understand.” I was still in an immature and selfish stage,
but God was definitely speaking to my heart. It was becoming clear to me that
the path I was on, was “crumbling” for a reason. Just as Paul endured for the
sake of course correction, I, too,
was being called to get my own hands off the steering wheel and lift them up in
full surrender to God so that He could direct me somewhere else. Somewhere
better. I fought it and I fought it. The Holy Spirit’s still, small voice was
there, but I dismissed it. Life shouldn’t be so hectic. Not when God says to
live in peace… “Let the peace of Christ
rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And
be thankful.” (Colossians 3:15) and
“I have told you these things so that in
me you will have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I
have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
It’s almost embarrassing to admit, but I was literally sacrificing
my life for the sake of the gym. Ironically enough, right!? As I would rush to
get there, I was getting in more wrecks than I would like to recount. I was on
the verge of depression. I was hurting my body with injuries because I was
letting my ego lead me. I was hurting my body also through other destructive
means… excess of food, excess of physical activity. I was pure drained! My
energy had plummeted. Nothing about the gym satisfied my soul. My days revolved
around the gym, plain and simple. I put God on the back burner and my idols
took precedence. Crash and burn, Kalynn. CRASH. AND. BURN.
I remember another godly influence in my life said, “maybe
this is God’s way of saying slow down.”
I took it to heart and realized “okay, I’ll spend my time in nature… outside
and away from the gym and just breathe. The problem wasn’t people in the gym.
The problem wasn’t the gym itself. The problem was my attachment to the gym.
The problem was that it became more important to me than my relationship with God. I didn’t realize
that until recently.
I was in such turmoil, that I almost sacrificed a truly
great friendship because of it. One of the very few godly relationships that He
has blessed me with. My heart drops just remembering that day… I almost let go of
something so special. BUT God wasn’t going to have it and neither was she. I
learned a great deal through that experience. I learned to work through the hard things
and not give up. Though the
conversation was very difficult- we fought, we cried- God brought it
full-circle. We then cried happy tears, rejoiced with laughter, praised our
King and I can only remember maybe one other time where the presence of God,
His smile, was THAT heavy on me. She felt it too! She taught me what grace was.
“Do not despise these
small blessings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.” (Zechariah
4:10
an excerpt from my journal entry: “…I am enjoying hearing
and seeing You work in my life. Though I do not know the ‘when,’ ‘who,’ ‘why,’
and ‘how,’ I see that You are working on my heart to accept what You have
planned for me and You are giving me the courage to be my true, authentic self
and not a people-pleaser, but a daughter of You, my King, so that I can
interact and communicate with my brothers and sisters in Christ, in a way that
honors you and glorifies Your name. So thank You!...” (God sees past the comma splices and run- on sentences ;) lol)
That experience with my dear friend was profound and pivotal.
“For physical training
is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for
both the present life and the life to come.” (1 Timothy 4:8)
When I was feeling torn between giving into my idols or
pleasing God, I was doing an online bible study “What Happens When Women Walk
in Faith” by Lysa Terkeurst. I learned that I was being called to live a life
of obedience. I had to leave behind something that kept me “secure” (in my
eyes) and trust that God would provide something better. He gave me greater
faith! He made it true to me that He has been and always will be my security
blanket! My rock, my salvation! The way He provides requires us to pursue a
relationship with Him on a daily basis, receiving our portion every day. God
will reveal himself to us through the manner in which He provides. The death of
our dreams allows God to work in our lives so that He can bring us into a new
season of growth! I knew that I had to sacrifice my obsession with physical
gains in order to be spiritually strengthened. I have not gone from one extreme
to the other. I have, however, recognized what is more important… it’s that
which is eternal! So, maybe I am not where I wish to be physically. That is the
hardest realization.
I have struggled for some time with how I have been
destructive in my health choices along my journey, even while seeking God. I’ve
asked myself, ‘how can I gain so much spiritually and lose so much physically?”
“How did I give into so much temptation?” (the temptation of binge-eating).
When I thought I was completely cleared of that unhealthy lifestyle, it was
being rehashed. Well, the previous lifestyle didn’t contain a life deeply
rooted in Christ. I knew God. I knew Jesus died for my sins. I knew I was a
Christian. I didn’t know that Jesus was
the lover of my soul. That He cares deeply for me; that He calls me His Beloved, Chosen, Precious, Special, Beautiful, Princess. That He pursues me, and desires a true
relationship with me. His love is constant and unconditional. So, now with the
security of Christ’s love, I know that “no
temptation has overtaken [me] except what is common to mankind. And God is
faithful; He will not let [me] be tempted beyond what [I] can bear. But when
[I] am tempted, He will also provide a way out so that [I] can endure it.”
(1 Corinthians 10:13) I have to want it. I have to saturate myself in the truth
constantly! There is hope and I’m not called to just give up, remember?
While on the topic of temptation, I have joined another gym.
Although, I miss where I use to be, I had to switch to something closer; it was
a choice I needed to make so that I could decrease my expenses and better my
finances. The temptation to make the gym the center of my life still could come
up. However, I know the battle a little better this time. There is nothing
wrong with trying to be strong and confident. The key is humility. Hubris means excessive self-confidence or pride, and it
can lace my life if I seek recognition, my own glory, and independence. Hubris
leads to its bearer’s death – pride goeth before the fall, most certainly. There
is nothing wrong with going to the gym for strength and a better confidence and
self-esteem. The wrong comes when we try to cultivate these qualities apart
from a paradoxical dependence on God. Without
God, it’s all for naught. Like I previously stated, God’s glory is the
objective of His creation. When I denied Him of that, He, in his righteous
jealousy, allowed a demise…a death…a “gracious fall.”
…
God created Kalynn Nicole Smith to feel every emotion, and
deeply. This I know. It’s my character and how He made me. I remember being
told as a little girl “You’re too sensitive.” It broke me. I hid emotions
behind closed doors more and more. I let it affect me throughout my life and on
into my twenties. I would feel wrong about feeling what I was feeling, and so I
battled it, and the emotion would linger and linger. It wasn’t until recently, (honestly),…almost
at age 24…that I realized I had someone to cry out to, who would wipe away my
tears and comfort me. After finishing “What Happens When Women Walk in Faith,”
I began the next bible study, “The Mended Heart,” by Suzanne Eller.
You know the song Broken Vessels (Amazing Grace) by Hillsong
Worship?
All these pieces broken and scattered
In mercy gathered, mended and whole
Empty handed, but not forsaken
I’ve been set free, I’ve been set free
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I am found
Was blind but now I see
Oh, I can see it now
Oh, I can see the love in Your eyes
Laying Yourself down
Raising up the broken to life
You take our failures, You take our weakness
You set your treasure in jars of clay
So take this heart,
Lord, I’ll be your vessel
The world to see,
Your life in me
…Just beautiful.
“But we have this
treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and
not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but
not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”
(2 Cor. 4:7-9, emphasis added)
Our Lord longs to partner with us as we enter a new chapter
of our lives. Heartbreak, I will feel it. Surely. But with God, now I can
endure it. It doesn’t stay long, because I know that Jesus’ love is unshakable.
I am secure in Christ. I know who matters and who I matter to. Forever and
always. Insecurity can’t dictate our
life when we are secure in the love of Christ. And the best part, we can
love freely without the fear of rejection. Just love. The world needs our love.
The enemy keeps us from giving our hearts away. God is love and Satan doesn’t
want others to be welcomed into that joyous truth. “The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that
they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10)
Through “The Mended Heart” bible study, I asked God, “Expose
me Lord!” and I wrote John 3:20-21 next to it which says “Everyone who does evil, hates the light, and will not come into the
light for the fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the
truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has
done has been done by God.”
I wanted God to lay out ALL my brokenness before me. And I
kid you not, the very next day, God exposed an area of my life that I had never
mended from, and it had happened 3 years ago. I was holding onto bitterness and
hatred that I swept under the rug, and that my brothers and sisters, is slow
suicide. Bitterness is a self-induced poison, and it weighs heavy. THAT
revelation brought me to my knees. This is the other instance I was talking
about, where I felt the overwhelming presence of the Lord. I can only imagine
what heaven will be like when we worship and praise our God Almighty forever
and ever! The song “Healer” by Kari Jobe came on Pandora while I was cleaning
and then I felt it and knew it in my heart to be true: God is my healer. No one
or nothing else can suffice. Every thing else only bandages the issue. We fill
up on food, money, clothes, sex, social media, or whatever the idol(s), and we
are constantly looking for the next best thing to satisfy us. It’s Jesus who
wants to make us complete. It is Jesus who wants to mend our broken hearts.
It’s been Jesus all along.
Both of my online bible studies were from Proverbs 31
Ministries, so naturally, I have desired the qualities of the Proverbs 31
woman, “The Wife of Noble Character.” As a single woman, it’s only preparation.
I don’t yet need a husband or even a significant other to grow into these godly
characteristics. Jesus plus nothing.
“She is clothed in strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to
come.” (Proverbs 31:25) Instead of fragile dignity that is dependent on
appearance and circumstance, strive for the strong dignity that comes from the
increase of Christ in your life. This dignity is unfazed by association with
lowly people and dirty tasks. Instead of trying to keep it all together and get
it all done, a humble woman is free to serve and enjoy her King. She has
nothing to lose.
Y’all, it feels so good to write again! It feels so good to
put to words all that God has done! I love to reflect on how He continues to
change my heart and I’ve been wanting to express it all for so long now, but
every time I went to write, I still felt like there was something more He wanted
to do or make more clear. I am already anticipating my next post. While it
correlates with this topic, I will hold off! Haha.
God didn’t pull me
out of this dark place so that I could keep it to myself. He pulled me out so
that I could pull others out also.
“God’s blessings are always designed to reveal to us more
about who He is, but sometimes we short circuit that process to think those
blessings are for us or to give us something. His blessings are to reveal the
faithfulness of His character.” AMEN! <3
“Your story is the key that can unlock someone else’s prison.
Share your testimony.” –Pastor John Hagee
With so much love, XOXO
