A Well Considered “Yes”

“Blessed is she who believed, for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord.” –Luke 1:45

Mary was the chosen vessel to nurture the Messiah.

Elizabeth was told of the place her son (John the Baptist, *see Luke 1:5-25, 57-80) would hold in the divine economy.

Each accepted her role and that of her son with humble obedience. Though different in age and in season of life, Mary and Elizabeth were the same in their commitment, which prompted each to offer herself to the Savior.

It’s important to note the scripture here. Mary went to the house of Zacharias to greet Elizabeth. As soon as the voice of Mary was heard, John leaped for joy in the womb of his mother, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit (v.40-41 & 44).

We see Mary respond with a hymn of praise, known as the Magnificat. It spoke of the deliverance of Israel, both spiritual and physical; but it also told of the illumination that would come to the Gentiles.

Her song in Luke (chapter 1, verses 46-55) was made up of bits and pieces of a bunch of different Psalms. Some suggest that the literary masterpiece could not come from a young peasant girl. However, such conjecture dismisses divine inspiration, which by definition surpasses human ability and giftedness. Divine inspiration is able to place a heavenly message in an earthly vessel. I believe it’s safe to say, Mary knew her bible… in the very least. The angel, Gabriel, called her highly favored one (v. 28). Let us read Mary’s song:

“And Mary said:

‘My soul magnifies the Lord,

And my spirit has rejoiced in

    God my Savior.

For He has regarded the lowly

    state of His maidservant;

For behold, henceforth all

    generations will call me

    blessed.

For He who is mighty has done

    great things for me,

And holy is His name.

And His mercy is on those who

    fear Him.

From generation to generation

He has shown strength with His

    arm;

He has scattered the proud

    in the imagination of their

    hearts.

He has put down the mighty

    from their thrones,

And exalted the lowly.

He has filled the hungry with

    good things,

And the rich He has sent away

    empty.

He has helped His servant Israel,

In remembrance of His mercy,

As He spoke to our fathers,

To Abraham and to his seed

    forever.’

Mary actually described herself as the maidservant (Greek word is doules, “female servant”) of the Lord. There is no hint of an oppressive bondage imposed by another but rather a self-determined submission to the will of God.

Pastor John’s words from today’s sermon:

“The angel shows up and says to Mary, ‘Hey, God loves you and favors you and wants to do something amazing in your life.’ But it’s troubling, challenging, costly and potentially painful for Mary. So, she engages with God. One commentary explains it like this…Mary did not submit to the will of God, rather Mary surrendered to the totality of her being, engaging the will of God… She says a well-considered “yes” to what God is doing.”

{Yes, God is always doing. Never resting. Omnipresent. God does not force or impose, but He stirs and invites. He wants to do something amazing in your life! I wish I could grab each of you by the hand and look into your eyes and tell you personally, because it’s YOU who He loves and favors. Maybe someday I can. Someday, like Mary and Elizabeth, maybe our paths will cross.}

This Christmas is one I shall always remember.

How could I forget God’s lovingkindness?

This season is why we can live free. The birth of Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection-it's what's saved humanity for all eternity.

But we have a choice to accept or reject the invitation.

Jesus has saved my life forever!

…He calls me out beyond the shore into the waves. And it’s His love- wave after wave- that crashes all over me! I have been washed by the water! A couple posts back I wrote about Faith and where the journey with God takes us. Since then, He has yet again, revealed more and more to my spirit. I use the words in Mary’s song for personal shouts of praise to my Heavenly Father.

Saying “yes” whole-heartedly to God started near the beginning of this year for me. As I have mentioned in a previous post, it took God’s wisdom to acknowledge the idols I had placed before Him in my life and His strength to deny myself and my selfish desires. This is my testimony:

February 21^st is when He spoke through one of my good friends. “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.” (John 13:7) His word couldn’t have been any more true to me at that moment. No, Lord. I do not know what You are doing. I don’t understand it. Why am I having to walk away from something that makes me “happy”? Although immature, I was still responding to the will of God, progressing in my spritual maturity and walk with the Lord. I decided to remove the idol, which happened to be the gym (for me at the time), from my life until God made me whole in that area.

A little over a month later, I remember God speaking to me again through His word concerning the same matter because I still didn’t understand His purpose. I had been running and exercising outside, doing things in nature. On this day, April 1^st, God gave me comfort through Isaiah 43:19-20: “Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. The beast of the field will honor Me, the jackals and the ostriches, because I give waters in the wilderness and rivers in the desert, to give drink to My people, My chosen.” I had just gotten done with a run at Stone Mountain and packed a bag for afterwards to study out in the warm, sunny spring day. I parked my toosh on a rock facing a lake with the mountain behind it. The scenery couldn’t have been any more true to the analogy that God was about to speak to my spirit. “…now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it?” Actually, God, I do not know it, no. But I know that it is good and I trust that you are, in fact, doing a new thing! That day brought me hope for what He had already begun. Like Mary, I too was surrendering to the totality of my being. It was the acknowledgment of my idols and sin that was leading me to repentance and a life completely dependent on the fullness of God’s love. I didn’t walk away from those things because I thought it would make God love me more. No. He loved me first. That’s the whole message of the gospel. That’s the reason for the season… for Christmas!

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” (John 3:16-17)

“If we think God’s love is simply a barrage of mandates reigning down from On High, then we don’t know God the way Mary knows God” –Pastor John

AMEN!

“…the world through Him might be saved.” We have a choice. The invitation to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior is not exclusive to Christians, but to all of His creation. You and me, sinners. You and me, male and female, You and me, differing in race. But it’s you and me, who are loved equally by God who calls us to be set-apart Christians. Devoted Christians. Not half-way in the water, but fully immersed and sanctified by the truth that God is love. We just have to choose! Choose to dive in!

Change is difficult and challenging; it can be costly and painful, and it can be lonely. I can only imagine being in Mary’s shoes perhaps feeling burdensome or fearful of such great news. In her day, a woman who was pregnant, or had sex out of wedlock was stoned (see Deut. 22). However, we don’t know for certain how often and how regularly that happened. So with that in mind, and the fact that she was a virgin, How could this be true? (she asked the angel, v.34). We may ask the same question regarding Mary’s story and even our own, but great faith defies all logic.

Satan whispered lies to try and real me back in. He works through the world, you know. Through commercial ads, through pop-culture music, through media…telling us that we are not good enough, tempting us back into our old ways so we can feel accepted by the rest of society. All of that is garbage and a tool used by the enemy. We are not called to “fit in.”  We are not to conform to this world (Romans 12:2). He called us out of darkness into His marvelous light. (1 Peter 2:9) Jesus says it best: “I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth. As you sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. And for their sakes I sanctify Myself, that they also may be sanctified by the truth.” (John 17:15-18)

The months proceeding were difficult to say the least. I was being stripped of my old self and my old ways to follow the Lord, in order to put on a new self. I felt barren and naked. I felt exposed, wounded and broken. Maybe not to others in it’s entirety, but to myself and that alone, was enough. God revealed to me during those months much of my brokenness, and none of it felt good. I knew that I had to remain faithful. I had to endure and trust that He would never leave me nor forsake me. I had to believe that His strength would continue to bring me through; it would pull me out of the pit that I was headed for. He knew that I had to learn. He knew that I had to see what it was that He was healing. Otherwise, how could I bring Him praise? If I am His hands and feet, what story would I have to offer, personally, to the testimony of Jesus Christ had I not walked through the fire? Glory, glory, hallelujah!

Because I was working out all the implications from all that I had said “yes” to, I did feel isolated, in a way, from the rest of “mankind”. I had to busy myself in Jesus plus nothing. I am thankful for the friends and family who have stuck with me and have allowed me this time. To the ones who love me enough to accept this season of my life, when you could have easily walked out, I thank you for sticking through and being my praying warriors. You the real MVPs ;)

This is not to bring myself any credit. No. “I am a nobody, just trying to tell everybody about somebody who can save anybody.” God has brought everything that is good into my life. But it does take effort. It takes work. Seeking the Lord is a choice we must willingly make. Becoming His whole-hearted servant and not just a toes-in-the-water-type-of-Christian.

So I devoted time. TIME!!!! Allotted TIME. I had to MAKE SPACE in my “oh-so-busy-schedule” to engage with God. Not rushed prayer in between breakfast and brushing my teeth, but I made it a point to get into His word daily and wait for His voice. I have to be in tune to the Holy Spirit’s guidance throughout the day, so I feel there is no other way than to start the day with the Lord."We must exchange whispers with God before shouts with the world."-Lysa Terkeurst
I made it a point to find inspiration and encouragement in bible studies and spiritual readings. I bought prayer journals to write and reflect in. Prayer journals help me so much! I can look back today and marvel at the good work He has done in me! I don’t take His mighty power in you and I lightly! It’s so amazing to bare witness to the love of Jesus Christ.

The destination to my journey is far far away in the future, far many years from now, God-willing. I am always evolving and growing. This is the biggest transformation in my life, as I can see it. I have a true testimony!!

I remember meeting with a lady, whose name shall go unmentioned. I was sixteen at the time and my mom was looking for a home church for her, my brother, and me. Every thing about meeting with this lady felt strange, odd, and uncomfortable. Though she was the youth leader (at the church we were currently visiting), it still felt random that she wanted to meet with me, but I complied. We met at a mutual Starbucks. She wanted to hear “my story”. All I had to offer her was how I had just went through a serious eating disorder. “That’s your testimony?” (she snickered). I felt shamed and wrong for uttering a deep personal issue with this stranger. I felt that mustering up enough courage to just even speak, was being spit back into my face. Everything felt wicked and dark and unloving. At the time I didn’t know the deeper spiritual battle warring around me. My flesh did not like this woman. I did not want to give her the power, so I waited to cry until we were no longer face to face. And if that wasn’t enough for me the bury myself and zip my mouth shut for the rest of my life, the devil put the icing on the cake when she and I were departing. I had my very first job interview later that week and I asked her if she would pray for me. She looked at me and said “ok,” but her body language read “ok, rightttttt.” and she did actually snicker aloud. Though she smiled, my perception read that she was laughing at me. Maybe I didn’t have a true testimony then, but I was on my way and the enemy saw it too. He tried but you already know who won!!!

Just recently, everything has seemed to come together, that’s why its now that I am sharing! December 9^th, God lead me to Hosea 2:14 & 19-20 “Therefore, behold, I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her. …I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me. In righteousness and justice, in lovingkindess and mercy; I will betroth you to me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord.” So, THAT’S what You were doing, Lord!!? I did not understand it then, but now I do! You have paved the narrow road in the wilderness, and you have been my living water. You bring me NEW LIFE!!! And my heart is content with Your plan for me. You know the thoughts that you think towards me, thoughts of peace not of evil. That scripture from Hosea was from a devotional I receive via email and I decided to check it that day. The very next day, God once again used Hosea to confirm His purpose/plan and this time He spoke through my Proverbs 31 online bible study “Unglued” by Lysa Terkeurst. It was Hosea 10:12 “Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap in mercy, break up your fallow ground, for it is time to seek the Lord, till He comes and rains righteousness on you.”

“…break up your fallow ground.”

He was tearing down all the unsteady walls I had built against Him. I am no carpenter and I was building on a weak foundation. God saw that and stepped inside the door of my heart and began a day of demolition, so He could lay a new, strong foundation. Amen, amen, amen!!!

I never worked on my “underbelly.” I stored my mess in the closets of my heart and swept them under the rugs. I bandaged them with worldly things. I tried to portray a life of togetherness to the world, but inside I was crying. Behind closed doors, I was breaking.

“Doing all the tough work on the underbelly will pay off down the road when I know all the pretty décor is not covering up anything but rather enhancing the architecture. And this is exactly what the underbelly of my life looks like. Isn’t this what we do in our personal development and spiritual lives? We are in such a hurry to look good that we put on the pretty décor to appear as if we’re all together, but so often we don’t take care of the underbelly. And, man, this is hard work. Some days it doesn’t seem like I’ve gotten much done…I still get offended when someone asks a question in a way that makes me feel like I’ve failed. I still want to retaliate when someone hurts me. I still get insecure when I don’t feel comfortable. I still get jealous when someone else accomplishes the thing I dream of doing, The underbelly takes tough work that isn’t always immediately visible, but it’s the foundation to our health- emotionally and spiritually. (1)” –Jenny Catron

After He had already used more than just a few verses in Hosea, I felt God leading me to read the book of Hosea in its entirety. Had I not, I would have missed “…’But Me she forgot,’ says the Lord.” (2:13) and “I knew you in the wilderness, in the land of great drought. When they had pasture, they were filled; they were filled and their heart was exalted; therefore they forgot me.”

I forgot You, Lord. I forgot You. Oh, the sadness my soul did feel reading over that truth. Oh the tears I wept for forgiveness. When I had “pasture,” (i.e. worldly acceptance and validation) I was “filled.” This idea of fullness conveys the sense of complacency, leading to a false sense of self-reliance so that my heart was exalted. Therefore, I forgot Him. I am so sorry, Lord. I was the promiscuous Gomer. I was a selfish harlot in my own way. But God shows compassionate and unconditional love for His people and His anger at our disobedience. Gomer’s life also illustrates the depth of God’s forgiveness and restoration. The Lord told the prophet, Hosea, to marry Gomer- the wife of harlotry and adulteress- and redeem her as a picture of His relationship with His people. How amazing!

I do pray that God will use His story and work in me to help you have faith to say “yes”, or to help you trust your “yes”, or to give you hope in the blessings of His promises because of your decision to say “yes.”

Like Mary and Elizabeth, we can rejoice in His goodness and lovingkindess, in His blessings and the miraculous power of His love. We can have peace because the ultimate sacrifice has saved our souls, “that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” (Romans 10:9)

“For with God, nothing will be impossible.” (Luke 1:37)

“The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man to bear the yoke in his youth.” (Lamentations 3:25-27)

I encourage you to lay the foundation in your singleness and while you are young (also see Proverbs 3). I so strongly want God to break the curse of divorce that runs in my family. Being a child of divorced parents, God has made me passionate about the way He views love and marriage and has changed my misconceptions my former self had me believing. Thank God He came through. I’ll save that for another blog post, perhaps. Anyway, my brokenness from that, was revealed over a decade later, because that’s when I finally decided to allow God in and mend me.

I could seriously go on and on. But I'll have time, if God allows me to share more and more. And quite honestly, It’s too late to have a fifth cup of coffee… that’s a lie, a third. Just two today, y’all!

Until next time,

I pray “that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and depth and height- to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”

MUCH LOVE and Merry Christmas!! It’s not too late to say “yes” to God and experience Jesus in a fresh way this season!

“For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given; and the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” (Isaiah 9:6)

xoxoxox

Notes:

(1) From Jenny Catron’s blog “Leading in Shades of Grey.” This post titled “The Underbelly”

 http://www.jennicatron.tv/the-underbelly/.

Also, Pastor John’s words and sermons can be found off the Grace Snellville website (gfc.tv) I do encourage you to come visit one of the Grace locations if you are searching for a church family! It’s much better in person, and God knows we need community! (“For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them."-Matthew 18:20

Faith: A Glorious Adventure with God.

“We don’t have to be brave or smart or witty. We don’t even need to know exactly where we are going—just whom we are following.” –Lysa Terkeurst

“Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom! One generation will commend Your works to another; they will tell of Your mighty acts!” (Psalm 145:3-4)

"Maybe your pain is really just a blessing waiting to lighten the burdens of others."

You ever get so excited to share something that you just don’t know how you’ll possibly ever be able to make sense of it for others to understand or how to make it sound as good as it really is in your head/heart? It’s like I need a speedy brainstormer in my head to organize all the details encompassing this beautiful “ah-ha” moment (truth) that God has revealed to me, because, shoot we don’t have time for webbing or outlines; we are on the edge of our seats just waiting to explode with good news!

I don’t know if you remember or even know, but March and April of 2013 I wrote a blog post dedicated to FAITH. That’s over two years ago and now I feel that God has led me to share where my faith stands today!

My heart was forever changed the moment I had accepted God as my Lord and that Jesus had died to save me eternally! My walk with God began there… as a pre-teen. And now, at age 23, I don’t think my 11 year old self knew she could truly have a relationship with God, what that even meant, and for it to be as beautiful as they all proclaim it to be. Oh but, now, this I know! There is no other love than the love of our Creator! It is COMPLETELY perfect! One of my “online bible studies” put on by Proverbs 31 Ministries reminded me of this: the adventure with God is a lot less about the places He eventually takes us and more about the relationship He establishes with us along the way. And boy does that ring true! Maybe a growing relationship can’t be categorized as a physical place, but to have better understanding and love for something…someone… than you once did, shows that you are not where you once were when you first met, and to me, that’s a different place! Each day is important in our walk with God; some days are just more profound and pivotal. I’ve found that opportunity arises the moment our eyes see a new day, and that our purpose isn’t some arrival we get to and stop. God created us for His glory. That’s it. We will have found the truest joy and peace and satisfaction in life when we fulfill that purpose.

“Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar and daughters from the ends of the earth – everyone who is called by my name, who I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.” (Isaiah 43:5-7)

This year is not yet over and by no means am I wishing it away. 2015 has just personally been tremendous and a year of impact in my walk with the Lord. I have stumbled, fallen, and failed. God softened my heart, reopened wounds, and exposed the messy, fleshly, broken little girl that I was. Proverbs 24:16 tell us: “for though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again.” Never has God kept me down. He has given me the strength to rise back up again and again. It’s the strength we find in the very much misused, misapplied, and misinterpreted verse, Philippians 4:13. “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”

You see, I know God wouldn’t want me to go off on a tangent about how much this irks me as if I am somehow “better than.” I think this most upsets me, because I, too, was that individual, plucking this verse out of its context for MY advantage. You know how when you but heads or have clashing personalities with someone, more often times than not it is because you are the same. So for this scenario, that is applicable and true. I was arguably against that verse being used for self-gain, yet I was living for MYSELF. I remember when God unsettled me, started to stir something in me about a couple years ago when I saw Philippians 4:13 painted on the walls of a gym. “Why does this not set well with me, Lord?”

It is important to note that a big problem often occurs when we take a verse out from the Bible. The context and meaning of one or two sentences disjointed from its message can be altered tremendously. Just like I wouldn’t take Acts 14:28 “And they stayed there a long time with the disciples.” A random example, yes, but is this making sense? We would have to read more to know who stayed where a long time and for what and why. Sometimes you have to read entire chapters or more to get the meaning of one sentence. This truth is a personal conviction. God does comfort us with His word. The problem is this: Philippians 4:13 has become a battle cry of self-willed. The hiccup begins with “I”. The mistake is when we make this passage about ourselves. It’s like saying “I want to do something that I have determined I want to do and I am going to employ the power of Christ to accomplish my goal. Anything that is focused on self is worldly and is a sin.

“All things” …I don’t think God would enable a self willed person to do all things. Remember the fall; remember what man was like when he did? “The Lord saw how great man’s wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time.” (Genesis 6:5) …Jesus knew that “everything is possible” with God, but look at how he prayed to God in Mark 14:36 “And he said, Abba, Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” No wonder all things are possible through Christ! Jesus gave it all to God and did nothing on his own accord.

Lets back up to verse 12 in Phil. chapter 4 where Paul says: “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or in want.” Now, let’s reflect on 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 where the same Paul says: “To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given to me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

So, it is through Paul’s sufferings, do we learn the kind of strength he imposes in Philippians 4:13. This man suffered greatly, all for the glory of God. The key to this verse is “through Christ.” Yes, we can be empowered to do anything but that “anything” must be God’s will, not our will. We can learn from Jesus and how he lived. He gave the power to God. We can learn from the apostle Paul. God gave him a thorn in his flesh, not as a punishment but as a course correction. God gave him the strength and ability to accomplish all things for the glory of the Lord. God had a purpose for Paul’s life and He was going to make sure that Paul didn’t let his ego interfere with that purpose.

…

I remember back in April coming home one night (…most likely from the gym) listening to the radio and then I heard THIS:

"...'I want my old life back.' And very gently but firmly, through Colossians chapter 1, God reminded me that it wasn’t my old life I wanted back. It was my old idols I wanted back, and He loved me too much to give them to me. And what I realized in that moment was just how dependent I had become on human approval and human acceptance and what other people thought of me to make me feel important and to make me feel like I matter. And it was during that time that God liberated me by helping me to see that Jesus plus nothing equals everything. And I know that sounds like a trite, preachable tagline, but it became my lifeline." -Tullian Tchividjian

This hit me like a ton of bricks because of how much I could relate. I was at a crossroads in my life. *As I was delighting in the Lord- seeking Him, deepening in my relationship with Him, He was giving me the desires of my heart. Godly desires.* But I was fighting them and His will for my life, all for the comfort of my old ways. Yet, my old ways were so unsatisfying. “Why does this no longer bring me pleasure??” I would often wonder. I knew that the gym had become an idol in my life. (Personal conviction) My exercise had become a placement for vanity and human approval/acceptance. I now see it as a slap in the Lord’s face. I was sadly saying, “I know Jesus loves me, but that’s just not enough.” And when we live that way, we can become so insecure in who we are, emotions being taken on a roller coaster, because humans fail, Jesus is constant, to simply put it. I want to know every day who I am in Christ. Not who I am to someone who doesn’t see or know Kalynn’s whole heart. How could they possibly, even? God is omnipresent; He sees and knows, and He loves you so!!!

**Sidenote** “Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalms 37:4) This verse is also often misinterpreted, I would say. God is not a genie. This doesn’t mean “because you love God, He will grant you your wish for that new car.” Instead, as we seek God and become more Christ-like, it’s inevitable that we will have a heart change too. God will put godly desires within our hearts. We will desire to be more like Jesus and less like this world. This is what I was fighting through the transition of denying my selfish ways and following the path of God. Fully surrendering is hard, but it is worth it

"Jesus said to His disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" (Matthew 16:24-26)

It’s important to have godly men and women in our lives. Whatever the relationship be… mentors, friendships, parents… we all need at least someone, who is going shine godly insight on a situation that we are unable to see for ourselves. God talks through His word but just like He talked to me through the radio, He also works through people. I remember being laid up on the couch, due to a shin injury (caused in the gym). I was so disappointed and quite honestly frustrated because I wanted to workout so badly. I got a phone call from one of my best friends, who is a godly influence in my life. She was relaying the message she received from her pastor’s sermon, and as she was giving me scripture, the verse from John 13:7 stuck with me: “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” I was still in an immature and selfish stage, but God was definitely speaking to my heart. It was becoming clear to me that the path I was on, was “crumbling” for a reason. Just as Paul endured for the sake of course correction, I, too, was being called to get my own hands off the steering wheel and lift them up in full surrender to God so that He could direct me somewhere else. Somewhere better. I fought it and I fought it. The Holy Spirit’s still, small voice was there, but I dismissed it. Life shouldn’t be so hectic. Not when God says to live in peace… “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” (Colossians 3:15) and “I have told you these things so that in me you will have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

It’s almost embarrassing to admit, but I was literally sacrificing my life for the sake of the gym. Ironically enough, right!? As I would rush to get there, I was getting in more wrecks than I would like to recount. I was on the verge of depression. I was hurting my body with injuries because I was letting my ego lead me. I was hurting my body also through other destructive means… excess of food, excess of physical activity. I was pure drained! My energy had plummeted. Nothing about the gym satisfied my soul. My days revolved around the gym, plain and simple. I put God on the back burner and my idols took precedence. Crash and burn, Kalynn. CRASH. AND. BURN.

I remember another godly influence in my life said, “maybe this is God’s way of saying slow down.” I took it to heart and realized “okay, I’ll spend my time in nature… outside and away from the gym and just breathe. The problem wasn’t people in the gym. The problem wasn’t the gym itself. The problem was my attachment to the gym. The problem was that it became more important to me than my relationship with God. I didn’t realize that until recently.

I was in such turmoil, that I almost sacrificed a truly great friendship because of it. One of the very few godly relationships that He has blessed me with. My heart drops just remembering that day… I almost let go of something so special. BUT God wasn’t going to have it and neither was she. I learned a great deal through that experience. I learned to work through the hard things and not give up. Though the conversation was very difficult- we fought, we cried- God brought it full-circle. We then cried happy tears, rejoiced with laughter, praised our King and I can only remember maybe one other time where the presence of God, His smile, was THAT heavy on me. She felt it too! She taught me what grace was.

“Do not despise these small blessings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.” (Zechariah 4:10

an excerpt from my journal entry: “…I am enjoying hearing and seeing You work in my life. Though I do not know the ‘when,’ ‘who,’ ‘why,’ and ‘how,’ I see that You are working on my heart to accept what You have planned for me and You are giving me the courage to be my true, authentic self and not a people-pleaser, but a daughter of You, my King, so that I can interact and communicate with my brothers and sisters in Christ, in a way that honors you and glorifies Your name. So thank You!...” (God sees past the comma splices and run- on sentences ;) lol)

That experience with my dear friend was profound and pivotal.

“For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” (1 Timothy 4:8)

When I was feeling torn between giving into my idols or pleasing God, I was doing an online bible study “What Happens When Women Walk in Faith” by Lysa Terkeurst. I learned that I was being called to live a life of obedience. I had to leave behind something that kept me “secure” (in my eyes) and trust that God would provide something better. He gave me greater faith! He made it true to me that He has been and always will be my security blanket! My rock, my salvation! The way He provides requires us to pursue a relationship with Him on a daily basis, receiving our portion every day. God will reveal himself to us through the manner in which He provides. The death of our dreams allows God to work in our lives so that He can bring us into a new season of growth! I knew that I had to sacrifice my obsession with physical gains in order to be spiritually strengthened. I have not gone from one extreme to the other. I have, however, recognized what is more important… it’s that which is eternal! So, maybe I am not where I wish to be physically. That is the hardest realization.

I have struggled for some time with how I have been destructive in my health choices along my journey, even while seeking God. I’ve asked myself, ‘how can I gain so much spiritually and lose so much physically?” “How did I give into so much temptation?” (the temptation of binge-eating). When I thought I was completely cleared of that unhealthy lifestyle, it was being rehashed. Well, the previous lifestyle didn’t contain a life deeply rooted in Christ. I knew God. I knew Jesus died for my sins. I knew I was a Christian. I didn’t know that Jesus was the lover of my soul. That He cares deeply for me; that He calls me His Beloved, Chosen, Precious, Special, Beautiful, Princess. That He pursues me, and desires a true relationship with me. His love is constant and unconditional. So, now with the security of Christ’s love, I know that “no temptation has overtaken [me] except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let [me] be tempted beyond what [I] can bear. But when [I] am tempted, He will also provide a way out so that [I] can endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13) I have to want it. I have to saturate myself in the truth constantly! There is hope and I’m not called to just give up, remember?

While on the topic of temptation, I have joined another gym. Although, I miss where I use to be, I had to switch to something closer; it was a choice I needed to make so that I could decrease my expenses and better my finances. The temptation to make the gym the center of my life still could come up. However, I know the battle a little better this time. There is nothing wrong with trying to be strong and confident. The key is humility. Hubris means excessive self-confidence or pride, and it can lace my life if I seek recognition, my own glory, and independence. Hubris leads to its bearer’s death – pride goeth before the fall, most certainly. There is nothing wrong with going to the gym for strength and a better confidence and self-esteem. The wrong comes when we try to cultivate these qualities apart from a paradoxical dependence on God. Without God, it’s all for naught. Like I previously stated, God’s glory is the objective of His creation. When I denied Him of that, He, in his righteous jealousy, allowed a demise…a death…a “gracious fall.”

…

God created Kalynn Nicole Smith to feel every emotion, and deeply. This I know. It’s my character and how He made me. I remember being told as a little girl “You’re too sensitive.” It broke me. I hid emotions behind closed doors more and more. I let it affect me throughout my life and on into my twenties. I would feel wrong about feeling what I was feeling, and so I battled it, and the emotion would linger and linger. It wasn’t until recently, (honestly),…almost at age 24…that I realized I had someone to cry out to, who would wipe away my tears and comfort me. After finishing “What Happens When Women Walk in Faith,” I began the next bible study, “The Mended Heart,” by Suzanne Eller.

You know the song Broken Vessels (Amazing Grace) by Hillsong Worship?

All these pieces broken and scattered

In mercy gathered, mended and whole

Empty handed, but not forsaken

I’ve been set free, I’ve been set free

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

I once was lost, but now I am found

Was blind but now I see

Oh, I can see it now

Oh, I can see the love in Your eyes

Laying Yourself down

Raising up the broken to life

You take our failures, You take our weakness

You set your treasure in jars of clay

So take this heart, Lord, I’ll be your vessel

The world to see, Your life in me

…Just beautiful.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” (2 Cor. 4:7-9, emphasis added)

Our Lord longs to partner with us as we enter a new chapter of our lives. Heartbreak, I will feel it. Surely. But with God, now I can endure it. It doesn’t stay long, because I know that Jesus’ love is unshakable. I am secure in Christ. I know who matters and who I matter to. Forever and always. Insecurity can’t dictate our life when we are secure in the love of Christ. And the best part, we can love freely without the fear of rejection. Just love. The world needs our love. The enemy keeps us from giving our hearts away. God is love and Satan doesn’t want others to be welcomed into that joyous truth. “The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10)

Through “The Mended Heart” bible study, I asked God, “Expose me Lord!” and I wrote John 3:20-21 next to it which says “Everyone who does evil, hates the light, and will not come into the light for the fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done by God.”

I wanted God to lay out ALL my brokenness before me. And I kid you not, the very next day, God exposed an area of my life that I had never mended from, and it had happened 3 years ago. I was holding onto bitterness and hatred that I swept under the rug, and that my brothers and sisters, is slow suicide. Bitterness is a self-induced poison, and it weighs heavy. THAT revelation brought me to my knees. This is the other instance I was talking about, where I felt the overwhelming presence of the Lord. I can only imagine what heaven will be like when we worship and praise our God Almighty forever and ever! The song “Healer” by Kari Jobe came on Pandora while I was cleaning and then I felt it and knew it in my heart to be true: God is my healer. No one or nothing else can suffice. Every thing else only bandages the issue. We fill up on food, money, clothes, sex, social media, or whatever the idol(s), and we are constantly looking for the next best thing to satisfy us. It’s Jesus who wants to make us complete. It is Jesus who wants to mend our broken hearts. It’s been Jesus all along. 

Both of my online bible studies were from Proverbs 31 Ministries, so naturally, I have desired the qualities of the Proverbs 31 woman, “The Wife of Noble Character.” As a single woman, it’s only preparation. I don’t yet need a husband or even a significant other to grow into these godly characteristics. Jesus plus nothing.

 “She is clothed in strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” (Proverbs 31:25) Instead of fragile dignity that is dependent on appearance and circumstance, strive for the strong dignity that comes from the increase of Christ in your life. This dignity is unfazed by association with lowly people and dirty tasks. Instead of trying to keep it all together and get it all done, a humble woman is free to serve and enjoy her King. She has nothing to lose.

Y’all, it feels so good to write again! It feels so good to put to words all that God has done! I love to reflect on how He continues to change my heart and I’ve been wanting to express it all for so long now, but every time I went to write, I still felt like there was something more He wanted to do or make more clear. I am already anticipating my next post. While it correlates with this topic, I will hold off! Haha.

God didn’t pull me out of this dark place so that I could keep it to myself. He pulled me out so that I could pull others out also.

“God’s blessings are always designed to reveal to us more about who He is, but sometimes we short circuit that process to think those blessings are for us or to give us something. His blessings are to reveal the faithfulness of His character.” AMEN! <3

“Your story is the key that can unlock someone else’s prison. Share your testimony.” –Pastor John Hagee

With so much love, XOXO

Famous in my Father's Eyes

Somewhere, along the way, I lost the heart behind my intentions and the truth in my motives compared to when I had first “started.” …when I took that initial step in admitting/displaying my story for everyone to see because truly, I had accepted myself for who I was in my past and who I was in the present. I started to finally believe who I was in Christ. I was in a good place.  However, over time that seemed to slowly vanish or at least I started to carry a façade that festered on itself deeper and deeper. It was a slow and steady walk in the wrong direction; I had forgotten all the truth behind the reasons why I loved everything that I did.

There’s this quote that I came across just recently: “Doing something good with the wrong intentions is not a good thing.” Or something very similar to that, but regardless, it makes a great point; it even instilled a great “ick” feeling in my gut. I felt convicted right then and there.

 And that was definitely not my first of convictions.

I remember God first speaking truth to me in this particular part of my life (which I will soon make clear …) I was at the gym awhile back ago having a conversation with a very dear friend of mine, who at the time, I was just starting to get to know. We were on the topic of physique competitions and after the hype of having lost weight and gaining a little muscle I was completely interested in entering into one. I even went to a show just to experience it second-hand before making any rash decisions. I thought it was great, and tried to justify that it was just another side of displaying beautiful “art.” …Okay…making my body a piece of art…and for what? some award? a round of applause? so I could go to sleep with a bigger head that night? That’s just how I look back on it now and it makes me want to hide under the sheets to see how much I was into body image. Confidence is one thing, but my ego had taken a step over the edge. But thankfully I hadn’t quite fallen fully, thanks to my friend, the angel she is spoke truth into my life over that subject. She didn’t wrong me or make me feel guilty. No. Because her words were spoken from the heart of her spirit, I wasn’t condemned. “Vanity” …that’s the word that did it. And if I remember anything, it wasn’t the sentence it was spoken with, it was the love I felt from God in her bringing such truth. God wanted to keep me humble, and I think if I were to compete, I would lose that. Wow, I just throw my head back and say THANK YOU, GOD! It was exactly what turned me away. And He knew it wasn’t going to be my first rodeo. But with some words of hope and a glimpse into my current state of utter joy, the merry-go-round is surely making its way back around to the core of my purpose.

So, okay, no competing for Kalynn. Whew, that was close… yet there was still a problem with what I was doing. I was using Instagram and Facebook… social media…as a platform to display my body. At first, I thought the likes were to bring inspiration and motivation for those on a fitness journey and obtaining a healthy lifestyle. I wanted to inspire women and young girls even to love themselves enough to feel great in the bodies they have been given. Ultimately I had hoped to positively impact others with my personal story. And still do, of course. Unfortunately, with time, I got caught up in the looks and am honestly ashamed in my twisted thinking. I remember my first transformation picture. I was very proud of my hard work and dedication in achieving a greater, healthier self. But then I started posing in less and less clothing. How does that differ from competing on stage? I think the audience on social media is far greater, to be blatantly honest. Call it what you will, but if I didn’t admit that a major portion of that intention wasn’t to seek validation or a boost in my self-esteem, I would be lying to you. Take into account that I was recently single, so the attention I received made me feel “pretty” again…Somebody worthwhile. Wow, that is incredibly sad to admit, but it is the upmost truth. Hard truth, but there has been a lot of growth in coming to realize this.

Well, I fell into that pitiful cycle for some time and it became more and more convicting as the posts continued. I was loosing myself. How could I end up in the very place I thought I had been fully, 100 percent delivered from? It doesn’t always work that way; the trials teach us and reveal more and more about ourselves and what our strongest areas of weakness are. I was finding out that validation from anybody or anything other than from God is a complete source of destruction to my health overall. I was on a vicious cycle of a downward domino effect of self-hate and I felt like as much as I expressed this, I was the only one in the world with this problem. I let my environment and certain circumstances affect me, to the point of falling into that same terrible lifestyle I once knew… all the insecurities were being laid right back out for me to believe. And so I did. I believed them because I wasn’t leaning on God like I should have… “IIIII was going to make it right, IIIII just knew it…”
Eh, wrong. There were times I thought I would never binge eat after completely feeling awful in doing so. I’d go weeks just to fail myself again. There were many a times of feeling sorry for myself for being a homebody and then allowing the devil to meet me there in the darkest of lonely places and whisper lies like “you’re not important anyway,” “you can’t expect a relationship like that, you expect too much,” “YOU. ARE. TOO. MUCH.” and boy did he have his way for some time. But God turned those words *YOU ARE TOO MUCH* and broke the negative connotation Satan decided to give it. God said, “You are too much- of too much worth to be in darkness, to be in such great sin that has you so down from fulfilling the purpose I have dreamt up for you.

“You are all sons of the light and sons of the day. We do no belong to the night or to the darkness. So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled.” -1 Thessalonians 5:5-6

“This is the message that we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another. and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.” -1 John 1:5-7

I was lying and not living by the truth. Instead of putting on my full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-17) I turned to the world, using social media or what have you as  instant gratification to counteract my insecurities… portraying the opposite of how I really felt so I could feel better about myself …medicate an issue that ONLY The Lord could conquer. The chains are breaking, baby! This I do know: one by one I’m feeling free-er and free-er ;) thanks to Jesus!

Kylie Bissutti’s story in her book, “I’m no Angel” was the final conviction. (the book ironically enough, given to me by a true angel! The same angel previously mentioned!)

 ***sidenote***: I cannot thank God enough for blessing me with people such as her. I have my mom who prays over me consistently and who I can share every thing and any thing with. Which is great and I love her dearly. I have also been given the chance to meet other older, wiser, women of faith who bring light to my darkest places. I’ve never been more grateful for that. I was compelled to share a little bit of my struggle with another lady (who I met at the gym, of course) and she instantly said that the eating disorder, B, C, and D. all the above… were from the pits of hell and you’re not going to claim them. I wanted to cry and thank her for such a powerful truth. I’ve never been more grateful for these relationships…for them and their prayers!!

In short, the book is about how Kylie decided to give up being a VS model to become a Proverbs 31 wife. I instantly was engaged the moment I picked it up and read her story. It was truly amazing and really brought great perspective on my life. I no longer felt compelled to post anymore “body shots” for cheap attention. The attention I had been receiving was starting to become dirty in my eyes (I brought it upon myself so I know I am the only one to blame). The choice instead now is to honor The Lord with my body. “I was encouraging people to look at me in a way that wasn’t godly. Plus, I was taking something God intended to be sacred between a husband and wife and making it public.” –Kylie’s words. (which I highlighted the heck out of). I want that so badly, a marriage brought together by God, yet I was being impatient so I resorted to short-lived attention. I’m already feeling sorry for my husband, whoever you are. Like, it’s making me sad that I stooped that low. I wish I could take a lot of things back, I really do, but I’ve learned a great deal!

There was also another impacting conviction I forgot to mention. It really moved my heart and it was a video I watched awhile back ago “I will wait for you” by spoken poet, Janette ikz. It wasn’t necessarily about body image as much as it was about becoming a Proverbs 31 woman and waiting for God’s best, specifically in companionship. I definitely was encouraged and God was “creating in me a pure heart, and renewing a steadfast spirit within me.” (Psalm 51:10) And I was starting to believe His words in 1 Peter 3:3-4 ...my beauty comes from within. Also I was starting to grasp that my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. THAT is the only way I can treat my body kindly. I have to put that truth and even speak it out loud sometimes when I am tempted.

Through all of this, I have become more comfortable at being Kalynn, because I know I am loved with a love unshakeable. “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8) I’ve learned that I still have a passion for seeing people rise and become their best, healthiest self. I’ve learned that I don’t want to go to the gym to sculpt a body solely for its looks. I want to have fun in my training, becoming strong all-around, which is why I’m finally starting to pick up crossfit and Olympic lifting and can I just say, I’M. IN. LOVEEEE!!! Okay, yeah like five hundred kazillion weaknesses were brought to light... like wall climbs, what in the world!? But that makes me excited! I have goals now, and I think this is the fitness path I won’t ever regret. I have hopes that I will make wiser decision when fueling my body, as the workouts need the correct foods, sleep, etc to perform at best. Now I feel like there is a purpose in making sure I’m getting the correct macros and micros; whereas before, I felt like I was counting them to “diet.” Which we all know is so easy. “Its like riding a bike, and the bike is on fire, and the ground is on fire, and everything is on fire, because you’re in hell.” haha but seriously that’s no way to live. Also, with viewing my body as a temple, and letting God lead me, I’m sure I’m on my way of being delivered of past sin!! I’m just in an incredibly good place and I hope to really be aware of my intentions every moment of the day. I know I’m only human, but now that I know better, I will do my very best at being better. Glory to God for this revelation. I couldn’t have come to it on my own!!

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praise worthy –think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace be with you.”-Philippians 4:8-9

With much much love, as always,

Me. XO

to taste "Beginning"

"One of the most courageous decisions you'll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul." -Brigitte Nicole

Sometimes my purpose in writing is to share significance, things that have been brought to my attention, things that have been made real for me. So I write for you, in hopes that maybe you can relate and know we’re not alone in this whole human experience.

And sometimes… sometimes, I write for myself. To go back and read the words over again. You know, something like giving others the exact advice that I should be giving my own self. Because really, that’s what we all do anyway, right? We know our weaknesses all too well and most likely subconsciously project the fix, the cure, the solution onto others. Just listen to the things you hear yourself advising. What do you preach about most?

So why are we so apt to suggest a course of action to someone else but rarely dive into it ourselves? I can only think of one reasoning. Change. More specifically… letting go.

Surely I’ve become stronger in many areas. Such as in things I won’t tolerate, things that are not good for my health, not giving into anger, loving the woman God made me to be and being comfortable with her quirks and all. Those are all great, but what is stopping me from moving forward?? If I’m not moving in that direction at full force, then I’m NOT pursing the very best woman God intended for me to be. Do you remember me talking about faith in one of my latter blog posts? Ever since my brother’s accident, the word is no longer just a word but it’s become a part of me, like my organs which keep me living. Faith has become a very real thing. But I feel I’ve been hit with hard truth, that maybe I’m lacking a bit of it. I can’t let things go. I hold on…cling… to old ways, if not socially or physically, it’s definitely mentally and emotionally. That is the worst. And I’m honestly embarrassed by it.

Do you ever stop to think why our sweetest memories bring us our greatest pain? I think it’s because they are of the past. We long for the same feelings from that one time. So maybe we try to copy it and make it a sweet thing of the present. Don’t we freak when we experience déjà vu? The feeling brings on anxiety and literally makes me sick to my stomach. So why do I think manipulating present situations in order to have the same experiences from my past will not bring on the same “ick.”

Or maybe it’s the curiosity of what could’ve been that keeps you stagnant.

Doors are shut, but sometimes we lack faith and don’t trust that God closed it for our greater good. At this very moment, I am shocked at the feelings and thoughts surfacing. I thought that I knew how to perfectly trust God. Maybe I don’t. Maybe it’s more than just believing He will provide on His time table. What if my questions and doubts about closed doors are a question and doubt in my faith? Actually, I see now that it is. I think to myself, “so why a peek and even a step or two inside the room to just turn me away locking it up on my way out? I think I may understand later. I’d like to think that maybe these things are just something given so I will be able to have something to compare to God’s best.

God works in cool ways, doesn’t He!? JUST NOW while writing He showed me His timing is not an accident. My brother contacted me to consult about a certain situation. He had no idea I was in the middle of writing this. To be vague, Cody needed advice. Ironically, I found myself suggesting that maybe it wasn’t a good idea and word for word verbatim said “some things just won’t ever be the same. Good things and people are still bound to come your way though; Don’t give up!” Honestly my brother personally impacts my life in positive ways. He has come so far as a person, so enlightened and driven that I don’t think he could ever go back to old ways and habits. I am incredibly proud of the man he has become to be.

We wouldn’t tell our loved ones to keep beating a dead horse. If we loved ourselves enough, we wouldn’t do it either. … I don’t know, maybe that hits home for you. It does for me. I still wonder and mentally exhaust myself over the “whys?” When we reach a dead end on the road, we don’t keep driving. We turn around and find a different route. So why aren’t we easily apt to apply this concept to life situations and their “dead ends”? Maybe it’s attachment to the past and fear of not being in control, so we hold on. Or the fact that we care.

We fight for something that doesn’t want us and was never meant for us in the first place. And in doing so, we not only waste precious time, we destroy ourselves in waiting and in wanting. What a hindrance that is.

If we cling to comfort, we are indefinitely stagnant.

And So I’ve pondered on His word He gave me last week in Lamentations (3:25-33)

"God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times.

When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face. The 'worst' is never the worst.

Why? Because the Master won't ever walk out and fail to return. If He works severely, He also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way." (from The Message)

My HOPE still stands. And if I continue to shake off what no longer serves to my purpose with a little more effort and faith, maybe HOPE will become a thing of the present instead of the future. I’ll begin to taste the sweetness of new beginnings.

Someone once said, “that the only thing you can be sure of is that everything will change.” I’m learning to have peace with that.

With much much love!

XO

There is Always Something to be Thankful For.

“My body sometimes feels sore, but it works. I don’t sleep well most nights, but I do wake up to fight another day. My wallet is not full but my stomach is. I don’t have all the things I ever wanted, but I do have everything I will ever need. I’m thankful because although my life is by no means perfect, it’s my life and I’m happy!”

Next week is Thanksgiving, and then it will be Christmas before we all know it. I’ll turn twenty-three and then *gasps* we’ll be ringing in 2015! I’m going to be very cliché and say this… As I get older, man does time really seem to pass by. However, I don’t want to knock myself short of some credit… that I actually do soak up life and pause to really take it all in. It does seem though, that in the mundane of day to day routine, I can easily take life for granted. Here lately I’ve decided that I am not limited in my soul searching and purpose seeking to a “one-day-life’s-big-discovery.” No. Instead, I’ve found that my purpose could be and most likely will be different each and every day. It takes me making a conscious effort as soon as I wake up in the mornings. I think to myself “Okay, I woke up and I’m alive. God, you are obviously not done with me yet.” I think it’s important that we ask God what He has in store for us before we begin our day, or at least right after coffee. :) This is why I have come to really enjoy my two-hour quiet time (sometimes longer) before I am out the door. For my sanity’s sake and for the sake of others that I encounter throughout the day, I need that time to pray, reflect on His word, and set my mind with positive thoughts. Preparation can only go so far, and I know that. Some things are beyond my control and I’m learning to give that over to Him.

Paul says, “So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking around life - and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well- adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.” (Romans 12:1-2 in The Message)

With that being said, I began my newest devotional about a few weeks ago, starting fresh with an altogether changed and renewed mindset. I want to really bring more energy to the table (pun intended). I don’t want to only read a verse from the Bible just to be fed with “feel-goods,” but I want to live it as well, and I want God to bring that into my day and let it be a tangible or at least an experienced thing. Some days my devotional prepares me for a situation and it’s as clear as white on rice, and others times it can seem unrelated to my day, but never-the-less I am always inspired and comforted.

But enough about mornings. I just wanted to share my strong opinion on how I find myself having great days and good days as compared to the pessimist way of labeling it “good days vs. bad days.” Because when I really sit and think about it, every single day is a blessing. That is good, right!? “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning.” (Genesis 1:31) YES! So stop giving Monday a bad rap. Stop living for the weekend. Stop working to sleep. Get up, and decide to live and enjoy the possibilities come every moment! We are not guaranteed tomorrow, or the next second even. It’s time I start recognizing that.

I can get really excited about anything and everything pretty easily. I’ve already mentioned before that laughing is my strong suit...Like I’m sorry this sock is hilarious, please laugh along, it’ll bring me great joy. (Tehe) Yeah, I do not lack in the giggles department. I don’t know, maybe I’ve always been able to see simple things sillyly (not a word…I’m good at that) but I’m learning to embrace these times of joy because literally nothing can tear me down when I am that happy. Not just over socks… haha, but just being high on life. You shouldn’t have to apologize for being happy.

…For everyone you meet if fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind, always.

Because life can get hard. We can take some real blows, be thrown off course with unexpected reality checks. Some experiences more traumatic than others but who are we to compare our hardships to anothers’. We all have something. That’s why I wonder so much why we suddenly fall short of loving other people. WHY DO WE DO THAT?? A lot of times, it’s our own family we forget to acknowledge and show our appreciation and then come Thanksgiving (it’s okay, I’m already calling myself a hypocrite) they are the one thing we are most thankful for. It’s so backwards and yet, so true. I think it’s because the ones who we do that to, have unconditional love for us. Think how our Creator must feel. All this energy I waste thinking “Am I worthy?  Am I desirable? Am I beautiful? Am I worth the fight?... What’s wrong with me?” When all along, God says “Kalynn, you are loved.” You are not just one in the crowd. God sees you and He sees me too. He knows every strand of hair on our head (Luke 12:7). We are unique and special to Him. So why not look at our brothers and sisters (in blood and in Christ) as God does? I want genuine acts of love to become the norm. If it’s uncomfortable to receive it, it’s uncomfortable to give it. I pray you all find your call to love and be loved.

I could start a list of every thing I am grateful for but I just don’t think I would make it through in one sitting. I will have you know that I am thankful for you all. Every. Single. One. Of. You. have been a purposeful encounter. Believe it or not, but I promise. If we have met, it was for a reason and I wouldn’t take back anything that has happened to me, and that means meeting you too! You have shaped me, encouraged me, supported me, taught me, inspired me… all the above!!

I look back at my very first blog post (January 4^th 2013) and to see the transformation God had done in me even at that point and to see what he continues to do! I am thankful to have reached a point where I can share and openly express who I am, knowing it’s beneficial in not only my journey but for others in theirs as well.

I pray for you all this week! Find your loved ones and squeeze the living mess out of them! Hold them tight and cherish every moment you have together. And if you find it hard to think of the things you are thankful for, whether it’s bitterness or hurt that you are holding on to, hindering you from seeing and/or receiving God’s blessings on your life, I know breath is something you have. A new day. Purpose.

Hang in there; it gets easier if you allow it.

Much love,

Me

xoxo

God Will Thwart the "False Self"

“No [woman], for any considerable period of time, can wear one face to [herself] and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the truth.” –Nathaniel Hawthorne

Well hello my lovelies!

…it’s been some time. How are you??

Today’s church sermon was based off Hosea chapter 2. I was inspired and filled with so many emotions as I let God speak to my heart. I had been anticipating a new blog post but have been hesitating on it for whatever reason(s)... “I’m going to take forever and a day to write something that has not yet been given meaning or purpose to me.” (what most likely went on in my head). It’s funny because something is sparked in my soul and it’s not until quite some time that I get it out of my mind and out on …document? (LOL) My blog posts are usually developed in the same way, every single time:

1. emotional experience

2. same lingering emotions from the experience

3. “hm, I haven’t written a blog post in a while”

4. days..weeks...months later. “okay Kalynn, it’s been swept under the rug and/or hasn’t been dealt with 100%

5. Boom! Inspiration. God will use people, books, songs, church sermons, rain, Windex and Swiffers... you get the picture. (ha ha)

6. and finally, the enjoyment: Coffee and Microsoft Word. *Hours of reflection and praising God*

Without further ado, I’d like to keep this very short and simple, yet sweet!

Hosea 2 is a parable of God’s relationship with His people (us) by using marriage as an analogy, and I’m sure we can all attest to the conviction felt, or to put into better words…the overcoming feeling of sadness because we know we’ve hurt God. Verse 13 makes me wail up. “…but me she forgot, declares the Lord.” Pastor said “what is the one thing that hurts God the most? …It’s that we have forgotten Him.” Wow, it’s that simple! His love for us is written every where in His word, and exemplified in our daily lives in this creation He has given us, yet we forget our part in the relationship sometimes. We check out.

I believe it’s best I’m blunt here: the cause of deterring away from God (forget the levels or distance, or cause or reason) we turn, simply to find a quick means of “provision, protection, and pleasure.” – The 3 P’s Pastor used and I feel it’s true. Think about it… We have this thing called ego and our flesh feels we need to have it fed in order to thrive. So what do we do? We turn to things we know we are good at, where we know we will succeed and are praised. I’ll name this sin: “wordly” And it is only pleasurable for some time. Eventually that season dries up and we come to a road block and hopefully we choose to meet God there. My prayer is that our consciouses are not callused and we see our sin for what it is. He’s been in the passenger seat the entire time, just waiting for us to give Him the wheel. God will remove material pleasures from our path (v.6-13) and the “blessings” will be blocked.

“For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives…For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” ­–Hebrew 12:6&11

He does this because He LOVES US! He is the ultimate provider and protector and when we seek Him we find pleasure! All of our needs our met by God if we just trust Him.

**This sneak peak/preview/introduction is short, simple and hopefully sweet ..I told you it would be! I just failed to mention there would be a part 2!**

I’d like to dive deeper, but the caffeine crash is upon me and anything beyond would probably come out not making any lick of sense, so bare with me. (as you so lovingly do <3 <3)

Until caffeinated...

much love, me.

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” –Proverbs 16:9

“I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord …I will show my love to the one I called ‘Not my loved one.’ I will say to those called ‘Not my people,’ ‘You are my people’; and they will say ‘You are my God.’”-Hosea 2:19,20,23

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well.”

There’s something to that word “know” that will banish the “false self”…

Please no man. Work for the Lord.

He asked, "you clean?... what kind of job is that?"
"A good one," I replied.

Yes, I was tested today while working. My initial reaction was truly sincere-I smiled and meant exactly what I had said. I'm not sure if he pitied me, wanted to make me feel lowly so he could feel inferior to me, or what, but I didn't think anything of it until I had walked away and gave his first impression a time to sink in.

There have been multiple occasions where I was told my job was in fact not a real job. However, I never let it get the best of me. (Before I thank God, I do not want to give off the impression that “O Holy is I”-- this has everything to do with Him, and nothing to do with “me.”) With that said, I know that I’m where I’m supposed to be because God has me here. When Cody had his accident, I quit working as a receptionist at the hair salon so that I could help my mom with her business (who was single at the time, mind you). While she was going to need to spend a lot of time being a mom taking care of my brother, she still had clientele that depended on her service and she on their business as means of income. I prayed about it before hand and honestly just put it in God’s hands; there was no clear, in-my-face sign to quit, but I took a leap of faith. I remember, though, my boss had made it easy. She initiated the conversation about “doing what I had to do.” So being the understanding woman that she is, she had eased my dilemma. While I loved my “second family,” my blood came first. I was still in school at the time but I began working a few days during the week with Mom or just when I could. I grew up with my mom cleaning. I remember getting to have the “bring your kids to work day” A LOT. Basically because I could not STAND daycare and cried for my mommy even at age ten. (No, even at that age I did not want to be home alone.) As I got older, I would help her even.

So I acquired the skill early on.., by watching, by forced child labor (ha ha just kiddin’), and/or maybe just by a natural “gift” already instilled in me. LOL Mom was a great trainer to say the least. So anyway, picking up and working for her came pretty easy, pretty quickly. Like second nature. I remember taking on my first house, BY MYSELF. I’m pretty sure I cried. … Yeah, I cried. It was an altogether new experience not having mama by my side. I suddenly felt incapable without her reassuring presence, like I had forgotten how to clean or something. But that happened quickly and within just a few months or so, I was cleaning mostly by myself. In fact, not long after that, the business had doubled! How amazing God is!! And to look back just almost two years ago to now, it’s truly a blessing to see the growth of “Helping Hands.” Looking back my Mom and I both had the same gaze as if searching for the “right answer” in each other. “Is this a rash decision… honestly, what are we thinking!?”  We didn’t know what the outcome would be or exactly how we were going to make it, but above all, we trusted God and knew He would provide no matter what!

In the process, I stopped going to school after my second year in. I completed two years, but that was all. I no longer had the passion to be a dental hygienist and honestly never really did. As many of us straight-out-of-high-schoolers, college newbies, we just want to be “successful” …”What’s going to get me the most money??” “I want to be well-off. Provide for my family and still have money left over for vacations and enjoyment.” We just want to obtain the American Dream. …

While there is nothing necessarily wrong with that... it can, however, limit or cloud God’s true calling on each of our lives. There are days I’m asked by people I barely even know “When are you going back to school?” “Don’t wait too long, or you’ll never go back” Sure, that may be true statistically speaking, but honestly I have no desire. No desire to waste any more money. No desire to sit in a classroom and listen to material that honestly is uninteresting to me. Basically no desire until I’m absolutely forced and have been assured by God and then reassured and then confirmed once more! LOL …Although I am not making enough money to move out or buy my next car just yet, I can say without a doubt and with no hesitation, I absolutely love what I do! There is no better feeling than waking up and feeling like what you are doing has purpose. It’s rewarding; it’s a privilege; it’s a blessing. Sure, on the outside it looks like “I’m just cleaning homes,” but it’s so much more than that. Gosh, is it SO much more than that. I work for people. Whether my job for the day was to solely ease their stress and check one last thing off their “to-do” list or if was to do that and possibly more, it brings me so much joy! They have helped in talking me through things, with their insight and wisdom; they’ve been true blessings more than they possibly even know. Just their true love, little “thank you” notes, and overall genuine concern for me as an individual melts my heart.

Of course there are days where I am tired and would like to call in sick, but I suck it up and find that day to end in one of the best days ever! (Not that I have much choice considering I live with my boss. HAHA) Just thought I’d state the obvious... But really my true motivation comes from the Lord. I love how He has helped me to grow as a person just by working the job that I work. For one, I am trusted in my clients’ homes- who are once complete strangers- WOW! I’ve learned what integrity truly means- doing what is right when no one is watching. Because do you know what that says? When no one else is there, God IS! So ultimately you ARE working for God. Ephesians 6:7 says “Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people.” We can easily displease people (not measure up to their standards), but when we do our best and do it for the Lord since our true reward comes from Him, it makes life that much easier, and it makes work, well… not “work.” Instead, an honor!

I do have this pretty radical idea, and it may be “far out,” but I’ve been craving change and I’ve thought about the possibility of moving away for a summer to maybe expand the business or to start somewhere new with a clean slate. The beach was my most obvious first pick. (I can only think of that movie ~“Blue Crush”~ I mean I still feel like I was adopted from these humans and was taken out of my mermaid environment. hmph…sigh. But I am being serious, and would love nothing more than to do something crazy like that. I just have to take in account that my thought has to have much prayer before I just react. There would have to be someone to take on my client’s I already have here. No way would I leave them or gyp my mom like that out of selfish reasons and neither would God have me. I just feel through His word, God has been tugging at me, and this desire still feels like it wasn’t something I just made up. Ultimately I want… NEED for my desires and dreams to be in align with God’s will. We must be careful with our dreams… that they do not override His purpose for us. *Just ahhh, what a perfect point in my life. I’m still young, I’m single… seems perfect. I’m always discovering things about myself. I want to seek God more and more and find Him work through me! With that said, calling all prayer warriors!! Thank you, love you.

…It’s evident that the man’s words from today stuck with me. To the point where I came home inspired to write this. So thank you, man. There is one thing though I look back and wish I could’ve done. It would be to tell him all of this! ^ At least I’m hopeful that maybe my smile and attitude expressed it. But to me, I felt I could have done more. I feel maybe that was a perfect time to minister to him. I pray God give me the courage to not hold back at such a fitting opportunity to showcase Him, His word, His love. As a Christian, I sometimes find myself guilty of trying to be non-confrontational or 100% open with my love for Christ. We are not to be people pleasers, but in the same breath we must not condemn or judge them. Let’s just think though…what if that was their one chance to really hear about God. You may think you’re hitting a touchy subject so you avoid it. But don’t. It’s what we are called to do. Mar 16:15-16 And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.” Romans 10:13-15 For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching?  And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!”

Maybe I didn’t note God aloud to the man, but I pray some kind of seed was planted. I have no clue if he knew God or not, had a relationship with God or not. But we can simply preach by the way we live and the way we talk. Col 4:6 says “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”

<3 - <3 - <3

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Col. 3:17

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” Col. 3:23

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

“A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.” Proverbs 16:9

Love always,

Me ;)