Do you remember the bracelets embroidered with the
abbreviation W.W.J.D.?
i hate to coin that apparel/accessory as a long ago “trend.”
(insinuating that it’s out of date…no longer hip…out of style.) But let us
retrograde to that place in time. (In memory, yes…but essentially, my higher
hope is for a “comeback”)
W.W.J.D. What a
simple phrase/question that carries a lot of weight. i don’t know about you,
but as long as i am living in this body, in this world, i am going to need that as a constant reminder! It’d be
wise to have this visual placed back
on my wrist to remind me “get out of your flesh, Kalynn;” wouldn’t you agree? So
don’t bet your bottom dollar that i won’t be ordering me some. Amazon is only a
click or three away! ;-]
i think Philippians 4:8 is a good
place to start when we ask ourselves “What
Would Jesus Do?”
“Finally, brethren,
whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just,
whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of
good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-
meditate on these things.”
While this scripture, in context, is generally about
obtaining God’s peace by a transformed renewal of the mind- can it not also be
about peace between you and those you come in contact with on a day-to-day
basis? How we communicate- whether by speech and/or body language, there must
first be a place where it originates and it’d be wise to filter and weigh the
effects before responding. What we hold in our heart and mind is revealed in
what we say and do. Heart checks are not
fun, but they are crucial if we want to build the body UP and also become
spiritually mature ourselves.
As i have personally experienced the harm in reacting versus
responding, i can indubitably say that
before any action i have made, i never regretted sitting with Jesus beforehand.
i do, however, wish, i could go back to the times i have hurt someone with
what i said or what i did because i was reacting in my flesh…on my own accord.
When i say “sitting with Jesus,” that can literally mean
getting alone with Him for a carved amount of time growing deeper in the
knowledge of Him. But it can also occur within a few seconds.
Sitting with Jesus can look like a matter of all sorts of
things:
-it’s asking for His perspective before your flesh wants you
to fly off the handle to an offensive comment.
-it’s acknowledging His presence, asking for His eyes to see
someone who would otherwise be overlooked.
- it’s asking for His heart to have compassion on an angry
customer.
-it’s talking to Him, praying for His strength to do the
seemingly “impossible.”
Our parents called it “think before you speak” and “if you
can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” The Bible is full of scripture
about watching our tongue, and i mean TONS!
“Death and life are in the power
of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” -Proverbs 18:21
“There is one who speaks
like the piercings of a sword,but the tongue of the wisepromoteshealth.” –Proverbs 12:18
“But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak,
they will give account of it in the Day of Judgment. For by your words you will
be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” –Matthew 12:36&37
“Let no corrupt word proceed
out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may
impart grace to the hearers.” –Ephesians 4:29
Concerning the “Golden Rule,” Scripture says in Matthew 7,
verse 12:
“Therefore, whatever you
want men to do to you, do also for them, for this is the Law of the Prophets.”
And going back to the way ours words reveal what is in our
hearts…
Matthew
12:33-35 “Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad
and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of
vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of
the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart
brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth
evil things.”
So what’s the formula to walking in the Spirit?
i think it’s written in the story of Jesus. What He did; how He handled
the brokenness in the world He was sent in to; how He dealt with the very
temptation we also face today and still, He did not sin. We are not called to be perfect,
but we are called to be made in His image. To clarify…Satan fell because
he wanted to be like God. There is a
difference in allowing Jesus to do a good work in us so that we are made more in more in
His image, not with the sense of being like
the Father. Polar opposites.
My encouragement is to read John chapter 15. Jesus is THE Way, THE Truth, and THE life. (John 14:6a). Abide in
Him and you will bear much fruit. In our walk with the Lord, we will be pruned.
At first it hurts. It looks like devastation; but in all actuality, it’s
crucial to the nature of God. He is abundant in love and blessings. Every thing
He does is good. He takes away to grow us stronger and to move us forward. Just
like a plant, pruning helps the plant become more prosperous!! The more we grow
in our walk, the more we will become familiar with His pruning. Therefore, our
faith becomes stronger and our roots grow deeper! You will bear much fruit as
you continue remaining in His presence...i don’t find it happenstance that the analogy in
John 15 with fruit, is also is used in Galatians 5:22&23 describing the
fruit of the Spirit.
“But the fruit
of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness, self-control.”
There are battles and deep wounds behind our sisters’ and brothers’ smiling
faces; hurts that surpass our own struggles. Jesus doesn’t ask us to personally endure the same struggle before we show empathy and compassion towards others. It would be wise to ask Him to give us a heart for what breaks His. It’d be wise to be kind, always. It’d be wise to sit
with Jesus before we behave in our flesh. You may not know it, but in just the
smallest vulnerable state, Satan could use you as his tool. That sure does make
me want to think twice before i say and/or do something!
If you have lived, you know pain. Don’t let it make you bitter; let it
make you better. Every one is fighting a hard battle you may know nothing
about. Do you want to help increase that pain or help decrease that pain? W.W.J.D.?
“And those who
are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live
in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited,
provoking one another, envying one another.”-Eph. 5:24-26 "He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked." -1 John 2:6
Let us extend the love and grace and forgiveness and mercy that our Father so abundantly
pours onto us. Let us be His Hands and Feet.
i carry this key tag to help keep me inspired, to remind me of
the harm of what coming unglued1
can do. i had the option of four tags each with different quotes, and i felt this
one {overall} best describes the conscious choice we have to make in our daily
encounters to either respond or react. i tend to approach matters more
from an emotional standpoint than with an intellectual perspective. i feel
deeply and for many years i let sensibility work against my favor and that of
those around me. Whatever was conflicting me internally had no means of filter
for what was expressed externally. Most times the hurt i would feel came out in
a wrath of anger. What’s worse is not many people saw that side of me, except
for the ones i love most. Maybe because i
had come to accept their love… being something like Jesus’…unconditional of some sorts, and therefore approval to be totally
reactive and explosive {hm…keep that in mind, we’ll come back to it} It’s
amazing to reflect on that part of my past because what Satan intended for
evil, God, as Master Weaver and Master Builder, redeemed for good. Can i get a “so be it” to the work of the
Almighty? Amen again and again! He has and continues to develop my character,
strengthen my inner peace and make me new in Him day by day.
We can look at Joseph’s story -from the Bible- as a
testament to God’s redemption plan for His children. I quote Max Lucado (as he
says it best): “You are a version of Joseph in your generation. You represent a
challenge to Satan’s plan. You carry something of God within you, something
noble and holy, something the world needs- wisdom, kindness, mercy, skill. If
Satan can neutralize you, he can mute your influence. The story of Joseph is in
the Bible for a reason: to teach you to trust God to trump evil. …In God’s
hands, intended evil becomes eventual good.”2
While the details of Joseph’s journey do not exactly match
my personal story that i am going to share with you, the message is the same: that God uses our mess for good.
Furthermore, the extent and brutality of his hardships encourages me to get
outside myself when i think i got it bad. “Abandonment led to enslavement,
entrapment, and imprisonment. He was sucker-punched. Sold out. Mistreated.
People made promises only to break them. Offered gifts only to take them. If
hurt is a swampland, then Joseph was sentenced to a life of hard labor in the
Everglades. He’d be the first to tell you that life in the pit stinks. Yet, for
all its rottenness, doesn’t the pit do this much? It forces you to look upward. Someone from up there must come
down here and give you a hand. God did for Joseph and at the right time, in the right way, He will do the same for you.”2
***Before i begin to share, i encourage you to acknowledge
that the presence of God is with you right now. If His Holy Spirit has led you
here to read, i believe there is something He wants to say to you specially. If
you need a moment…take it. Pray, be still and listen, turn on some music and
worship Him. Hey, all three is great too! Whatever you need to do to so He can
prepare your heart, do that. Lord,
prepare our hearts.
-i actually have a suggestion. If i knew how to add
background music to this post i would. But i think it’d be cool to read along
with this song. i hope you enjoy!
At the end of last year, i was not exactly happy. Generally speaking, i was hurting
and depressed but at a level that i was able to still function; it was a forced
state of daily routine. This is not to have anyone’s pity but instead, it’s said
in order to be real with you. i am quite thankful for that dark season because
God allowed it to show me and teach me (through trial and testing) where my
worth comes from; it’s derived from His very Word and not from carnal minds.
Thursday, September 24th… “A Work Day That Was Going Great!” After recognizing my
frustration caused from the traffic in my hour long car drive to my first
client’s home, i took that as an indicator
to pray, especially considering the schedule for that day. i asked God to
give me His strength to endure the day placed before me…in my journal i wrote
this, (but i’ll paraphrase)…my client happened to be there when i arrived and
God showed me He was with me. His peace settled me. My client and i talked
before i got to cleaning and she gave me a huge hug and said “i just love you!”
God really knew what i needed to feel loved, special and appreciated in that
moment because instantly i was renewed. (it’s the simple things, i swear, that
fill the heart). i also believe God orchestrated that morning as preparation
for what was ahead. i believe He put it on Carol’s (my client’s) heart to show
me kindness and to give me lenience (an assumption because her home was more
than “picked up” and she hadn’t left me any specific requests). With all of
that said, i was in a really good mood! My lifted spirit had energized and
fueled me for my next job also.
…the next part of that day is where i get hesitant in
sharing. i relive- in some sorts- the same feelings i felt which ironically
enough, flags an indicator i am still
moving forward, healing in this area…
As i am finishing up at my second house (happy, peppy,
cheery –mind you), the husband of my client, remarks “i’m shocked!” i respond,
“shocked? how come? ” still all smiles J …
“You’ve put on a lot
of weight!” (he says, in the upmost condescending tone)
i try to not let it break me so i go with it. The fact that
his comment held some truth, also kept me from arguing (amongst remaining
professional).
But it didn’t stop…even after admitting that i had in fact
put on some weight. i said “i am working on it.”
it was thrown right back in my face that it wasn’t just some… “Why??” (he hissed)
(the tone i perceived was one of disgust. disappointment. …not
honest concern for my well being.)
as nobody came in to take my defense, i felt trapped.
belittled. stuffed into a “catch- all closet” nobody ever opened. (this is what
i wrote) “a closet that kept piling up with useless things.” I felt like a
useless thing…not a person, but a thing. …degraded.
He proceeded to tell me that their new home had a lot of
construction dust for me to clean…insinuating i would have a lot of physical
activity to get me “moving”
i was speechless. i was starting to see red. hot tears began
forming underneath my eyelids. And so… i walked away.
Finally, she came as my voice. His wife said “Okay, stop you
are going to hurt her.” I turned around and tried to be stern in my response,
but I could only muster up words that came out cracked and shaky “yes, that was
really rude.” The cry following completely caught me off guard. It was honestly
uncontrollable…a clear indicator i
had not only been extremely hurt but that i had suppressed some deep
feelings…swept them right under the rug and saved them for that moment.
She came to the bathroom to consul me and it was genuine. In
that particular moment i allowed my flesh to overrule and it sure enough failed
me. i tried to make a quick attempt to gather the pieces of my shattered heart
off the floor of her bathroom as she diverted the conversation to causal talk. i
had no interest in being fake. i needed a moment with God, but did i do that?
No. i was flustered. And her means of changing the subject…oh, it couldn’t have
been a worse topic “do you have a boyfriend?”
the flood came again. And whether i perceived it to be
selfish on her part, i wasn’t reminding myself of God’s Word “for we do not wrestle against flesh and
blood…”
She again tried to divert the conversation, this time
wanting assurance i wasn’t going to cancel business with them…she brought up
the dire need she had for her new home to be cleaned before the move in date.
In that moment, the devil used that and said “she doesn’t care about you; she
just wants to know if she is going to have her home cleaned.” In hindsight, i
now find her comment/question comforting… She
didn’t want to lose me. (God, the Master Weaver)
PSST…come close.
That’s another victory for God!
Eventually, the Spirit of Truth kicked in and i looked in
those bathroom mirrors and started affirming myself with God’s idea of me. He
says: Kalynn, you are made in My image, sweet
daughter. I AM El Roi. I AM the God of Hagar and I AM the God who sees you. I
see your struggles. I hear your cries. Don’t you know you are beautiful! Say
it. You are worth more than sparrows. You are worth more than gold. And you are
waking up every day and fighting through. You were made for more than this.
Hard pressed on every side, but you do it girl, you keep going. I AM Emmanuel-I
am here with you now. Come into my wings. I will lift you up and you will soar.
Keep running the race, fighting for the prize that is in your Lord Jesus. This
mess will be your message because first, I have overcome and second, you have
victory in Me. Hold on, babygirl. I won’t let go. You don’t need to live for applause;
you’re already so adored. (Now, okay, this is not verbatim and yes, there
is some added emphasis. That’s because i sit here recounting that moment, i see
that poor girl as any- another sister struggling with the very same battle. i
sit here more confident because of
that very hard day and i cheer her on…i
cheer you on because I know, my
sister, you are about to get through.
God had her back! And He most
definitely has yours! Do. Not. Give. Up.
…And if the words won’t come and you don’t know what to say,
just say “Jesus”.3
“Likewise the Spirit
also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we
ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which
cannot be uttered.” (Romans 8:26)
“The Lord is near to
all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth.” (Psalm 145:18)
“…Fear not, for I have
redeemed you; I have called you by your name: You are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall
not overflow you. When you walk through the
fire, you shall not be burned. Nor shall the flame scorch you. For I AM the
Lord your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;...” (Isaiah 43:1-3)
---i could seriously write that whole chapter out. SO
comforting!---
Once i could talk again, i told her that while i didn’t hold
anything against either one of them, her husband had hit a very sensitive area
in me- being that i have struggled with issues with my weight and eating
disorders and yah-de-yah-de-yah. How could i hold him accountable for a past he
knew nothing of? Even if his comment was rude, regardless, the way i came unglued1 was a sure tale sign i wasn’t
immersing myself with God’s truth. Having a Bible is like having a gym
membership. It’s only beneficial if we use it. Applying God’s Word is
completely different from reading God’s Word. And here is what has
significantly transformed me. Bowing down, humbling myself before the Lord.
Laying my heart, my hurt, my confusions, my anger, my disappointments …every
bit of me and my pride down at His feet. Ridding myself of “me” to be filled
with Him. Yes, well “He already knows my heart” you may say. Of course. But He
is your friend. Don’t you feel more intimate with someone when you talk and communicate
those things that you rejoice over and those things that are bothering you?
Jesus wants to hear us. That’s part of free-will. He wants us to choose Him first. Relationship is every
thing to Jesus. He gave Himself. Literally, as a living sacrifice that we may
live. But that’s only the beginning. The beauty i find in being a follower of
Christ is an intimacy like no other person, place or thing...has, can, or will
ever be able to provide for me. Jesus is enough. While God wants to bless us,
He wants us to stay grounded when we receive His gifts. “Thank You, Lord. i
praise You for Your abundance. ‘They’ are still not mine, ‘they’ are yours.” I
am learning that what He gives me can easily take precedence over Him if i am
not steadfast. Those “things” can be taken away faster than they were given.
(For my good, of course). i can say this with absolute confidence that every loss has been a true blessing in
disguise. Thank You, Lord for Your grace which drew me in even closer. I am
thankful. This is the unconditional love
i said we would come back to. i think of my lashing out and how my family
never disowned me. i think of marriages with infidelity or relationships where
cheating has occurred, and yet the other chooses to forgive despite the bullet in his/her heart. How much more does God
hurt when i turn my back on Him? The One who gave me life and a new day? It
breaks His heart. i know the deep wounds caused by rejection and i didn’t die on a cross for that person. Yet
God sent Jesus to save us. The gift… The offering doesn’t fade. What grace.
What unconditional love. Broken, shattered, abused, addicted, messed up, tore
up from the floor up, wretch, yet He says “Come
to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My
yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you
will find rest for your souls, For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
(Matthew 11:28-30)
I recently learned about that work “yoke” A yoke would
string two animals together. The work load they could carry would then double. Two are better than one. If one animal was more strong than the other,
it would help move them at their pace. (a compromise of strength where the
other was weak). I believe Jesus is telling us that. Walk beside me and I will carry you. Watch How I work and wait to see
it all unfold-beyond your wildest dreams; your faith in Me will grow; your
faith will increase and you will be made new…more and more in My image; you
were made to do hard and holy things. For where you are weak, I am strong.
Jesus put Himself in our shoes. He knows. It breaks His
heart to see you hurt. Run to Him. Seek His face. Fall hard into His strong
arms. He is the lover of your soul.
…
i don’t mean to harp on the issue but hopefully in sharing,
this just reiterates that there is no quick fix in the different battles we all
face. No matter how small they may seem to others, they are big to you and
therefore, they are big to God. BUT they are not bigger than God and He will
take His time to heal you.
Immediately, of course, i wanted to come home and tap my
fast and furious 10 fingers across the keyboard and get to blogging. But God
said no. He said: you know that is coming from a place of
bitterness. If you’ll give me time to heal you, you’ll have a real story. i look at my keychain
and He says: Remember these feelings inside you are indicators, not dictators. Walk with Me, work with Me, watch how I do
it.
And so, i waited.
Tuesday, January 26th…”Praise Him. Raise The
Roof. My God Heals!”
i was cleaning at my client’s house… the one in particular
who i allowed his words to cut deep and hurt me badly. i started to think of
that day last year, recalling how i wanted to write and blog about it but felt God
saying He needed more time with me first… that i had room to mature so i could
write from a place of grace and with a forgiving heart.
But why did this
memory suddenly play back in my head?
1. Association of being in their home (most obvious reason)
2. The night before, i had gone to the gym and long story
short, we (my mom and a friend) got on the subject of body dimorphism. The term
my sweet friend coined when she couldn’t really receive the compliment my mom
and i had given her. Generally speaking, we saw the output of her hard
word...the input of exercising. i told her that even at my fittest, i still
wasn’t happy. Her response: “Yeah, you were really skinny.” For a split second
i was tempted to revert back to old thinking, old insecurities. The devil
wanted to use her words to block the truth of what me and God both knew of my
journey. the backstage growth that had infact occurred and the steps of
wellness that i have taken to honor Him with my body. Like any good thing, it’s
a process and i reminded myself that it is well with my soul and nothing needs
an explanation, because El Roi sees. He is enough. i am definitely not perfect.
i did accompany the lie that followed her comment “you were skinny” (implying “so not anymore, girl. pffft HA you are a
sorry excuse and a lost cause”) Yes, i gave Satan a foothold. His Word says in
those moments that we are tempted, “Submit to God. Resist the devil and he will
flee.” It definitely took flirting with Satan’s lie to hear how awful that
sounded, which then led me to replace it with God’s truth. (God, at it again…
the Master Weaver) Another victory for
our Lord!
After leaving the gym, i didn’t think much of her comment, if
at all really; we had no hard feelings… no signs of tension. In fact, we were
bonding on the car ride home.
And when the thought resurfaced at my clients this day, so
did a song. “Losing” by Tenth Avenue North. One of my other dear friends reminded
me of this song when i came to her after that “Work Day That Was Going Great.” She sent me the
lyrics:
i can't believe what
she said
i can't believe what he did
Oh, don't they know it's wrong, yeah?
Don't they know it's wrong, yeah?
Maybe there's something i missed
But how could they treat me like this?
It's wearing out my heart
The way they disregard
This is love, this is hate...
We all have a choice to make
Oh, Father won't You forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'
The words breathed life back into me again. That day and This day. and still TODAY!
Also, with conscious effort to retrain my brain and fix my
mind, my heart felt peace. And like that, i was on my way to my next house,
energized and powered by His love.
Now, come close. This is the beauty of God. This is His
awesomeness. Just as we love to see someone surprised by our gift, so does our
Heavenly Father with His to us and His gift of unexpectedness is the best.
Listen to how He worked.
Not long after i got to my second house that day, i received
a text from my friend. She wanted to apologize for what she had said. “Hey, i
feel bad about yesterday when i was like ‘oh my gosh, yeah you were so skinny.
i didn’t mean it like you don’t look good now because you do! i was just
thinking about myself and how [i use to look and how i wished i still looked
that way]…i didn’t mean it negatively ‘cause i’m super sensitive and i just
don’t want your feelings to be hurt by that.”
WOW. just WOW.
i was overcome by His presence as i was reading what she
wrote. Complete chills. i didn’t know how much i needed to hear her words. Not
because i was hurting, and needed an apology but because God wanted to show me
that i had healed since the last negative comment made about my weight. i
literally wanted to squeeze her through the phone and share with her my tears
of joy. “God is good, girl. God is good!”
Anyway, the conversation went from there and it allowed us
both to share our same struggle with one another. We aren’t alone in this. She
was faithful and obedient to what was pulling at her heart to apologize and became
vulnerable with me. That in turn, was a direct avenue to blessing. What the enemy intended for evil, God once
again used for good! Go God!
Satan wants to drive a wedge between you and God. Between
you and others. He knows that there is a Greater force to be reckoned with.
Don’t let him have his way. You are a warrior of God. Arm yourselves for
battle. We are on fire and we are rising UP!
i look at my key tag “feelings are indicators, not
dictators” and rejoice in the good work Jesus has done in me. i know i am far
from finished, forever a work in progress. i am thankful for these memories and
hardships as they have led me closer and closer to the Lord. They are
signs…indicators…promptings that I need to sit with Jesus. He works while we
wait. Feelings are blessings and a part of how God designed us. They do not
have to work against you. Listen to what you feel. Process those feeling by
bringing them before the Lord. Watch how God weaves it for ultimate good!
“In many ways, God
sends His blessings into our lives in a just-in-time process. He is the
provider of every thing we need or will ever need, though He does not give it
to us all at once. We would be way overwhelmed if He did! God’s just-in-time
plan for you is twofold. First, it leads you to ask Him for your daily needs.
Second, it prompts you to trust Him to meet your future needs. He desires to
hear your requests. God will be there just in time for you, every time.”4
These experiences have also opened the eyes of my heart. He’s
helping me move past the hurt so I am
able to see beyond what the enemy intended for evil. He allows me to see the hurting behind those darts. He indicates something troubling has
wounded that person for them to say/do such unfruitful things. Therefore, i
have become more compassionate and more giving of Grace. And He has
significantly increased my prayer life. The result is lifted weight off my
shoulders…The result is a sound mind. Thank
You, Jesus.
Before He wraps all of this up, i want to go back to the
verse in Ephesians (6:12) “For we do no
not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against
powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts
of wickedness in the heavenly places.”
Notice how my client’s husband and my sweet friend didn’t
directly attack me with a lie. They simply made a comment and i gave Satan a
foothold to run with. I say that because there is conscious effort we must
make. i believe getting in His Word is the only way to discipline your
thoughts, and to discern the enemy’s voice from The Voice of God. There’s work
to do and Jesus sticks closer than a brother. He’s with you ALL THE WAY through.
All this to conclude:
(so that you aren’t deceived) Gaining wisdom in this doesn’t guarantee that i
am free from feeling pain and hurt. No. But i only hope that when the darts
come, something in me has changed. i hope to continue to improve on processing
my feelings with help from The Voice Of Truth, instead of reacting in my flesh.
I love these words of Mother Teresa:
Give grace as you have been given.
Hurting people hurt people. Show them Christ <3, anyway.
you are so loved, xo.
References:
1. “Unglued” by Lysa Terkeurst
2. “You’ll Get Through This” by Max Lucado
3. lyrics from “Just Say Jesus” by 7eventh Time Down
4. “Stronger; 365 Daily Devotions for a Courageous Heart”
with Debbie Waldrep (My actual devotion dated for this day, Feb. 17th)
“24 doesn’t mean much... it’s not a milestone…this year
isn’t one I’d like to really remember anyway…no reason to draw it out even
further…celebrating only stops time…everyone is done with Christmas and now
fixated on ringing in the New Year… I don’t want to be a burden…woe is me.
[[wah wah, Charlie Brown]]
I mean, really Kalynn Smith… that is just depressing, but
these thoughts have plagued me especially in my teenage-adult years when
concerning my December 29th birthday. I listened to outsiders who’d
say: “that must really be the pits;” “I bet you hardly get gifts on your
birthday and instead have a combined celebration on Christmas…” (things of that
nature). I necessarily didn’t find the latter true, since Mom and Dad were
always good about making my special day worthy of celebrating just as if it
were in June. As I got older, I started to believe the first statement and
began resenting the timing in which I was born. (Believe me, this sounds
pathetic to me too, and I’m the one writing it. I must lay my immature,
pessimistic, and twisted former way of thinking first. Yes, because there IS
good news! God gave me His perspective! He took what I could choose to keep
festering on and continue to be bitter towards and He totally turned it into
something I couldn’t have thought of for myself! I pray this brings you some
hope as well, because *you* being born was planned meticulously by your
Creator, your Heavenly Father.
This year, as you know (if you’ve read my previous posts),
was heartbreaking. I knew it was going to be for the glory of God, but my faith was probably one-tenth the size of a
mustard seed. Heartbreak for the Kingdom: becoming totally vulnerable with God
Almighty. Fully surrendering to the will
of God. Allowing Him His time of demolition on my weak heart. Breaking.
Stripping. Ripping. On my knees, cracked
to pieces, “I need a healer, I need Jesus.” Heartbreak for all the RIGHT
reasons. I was able to SEE and BELIEVE that I am not able, but with Jesus… with
Jesus, I am saved. Not only am I saved for eternity’s sake, He is blessing me
on earth, PRESENTly (pun intended). He blesses me with His Holy Spirit. He
lives in me. He fills and satisfies the emptiness my soul longs
for…the voids I bandaged throughout my previous years of self destruction and
hurt by others. He forgives me of my trespasses and restores my hurting heart and
mends me into a new creation!
“Therefore, if anyone is
in Christ, he is a new creation;
old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. Now all things
are of God, who has reconciled us to
Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us ministry of reconciliation, that
is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their
trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.” -2
Cor. 5:17-19 Amen.
Before I saw the Light (Jesus) at the end of the tunnel, I
made those pitiful conclusions…”It’s been a hard year.” Well, I should’ve put
my foot in mouth because I definitely spoke too soon. I was walking faithfully,
yes, but I was no saint; I was negative on countless accounts. But thankfully
Jesus loved me too much to keep me in the cares of this world. He cared about a
relationship with me. It matters to Him when we turn to seek temporary
“lovers…idols” instead of seeking His face. It matters because He selflessly
died for us. And the more and more I say that, the more and more real it becomes for me. Nothing but the blood of Jesus. With
that said, all the breakage was WORTH every bit. Every single bit. So this
birthday, I turn 24, but I feel (and act on some occasions..) one year old. In
the sense that I am new in Christ. “A
year of reversal.” Who woulda thunk it!?
I grasped the true meaning of Christmas this year.
Jesus. The Babe, wrapped in swaddling cloths.
God in the flesh to live, die, and resurrect into the
heavenlies.
THE ONLY atonement for my sins.
Praise God!
And one day, He will return.
It was Jesus who turned my year around! The most absolute
best year yet!
And now I can celebrate my life with GLADness instead of
madness. I can celebrate 24 and all the years to come (God willing) with great
JOY because I have a Creator who thought of me before I was formed in the womb.
I have a Creator who loved me and still gave me life knowing I would betray
Him. And because He knew this, My Creator sent His only begotten Son to die for
me, so that I could be saved for eternity!
God’s perspective on His daughter’s December 29th
birthday:
“I knew the day of your birth. I knew you were entering into
sin, because of Adam and Eve, so I’m sending my Son, Jesus, to die for you so
that you might be saved. I’m sending Him first as my gift to you. You will be
born after the fact. You can accept Him as your Lord and Savior. I will be with
You, and I will be waiting to partner with you.” At 23 I accepted His gift. I
accepted His Amazing Grace. And I can celebrate this gift on my 24th birthday
and forevermore. I will bring Him into the New Year, now seeking the will of God.
-His perspective on my birthday is not exclusive to December
babies. It’s a truth for every birth date. Advent truly marks the beginning of
the year. So His children come after, even the ones who were born on His day.
He did the work on the Cross at Calvary many many years ago.
“"For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my
mother's womb. I will praise You, for I
am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my
soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in
secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw
my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the
days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them." -Psalm
139:13-16
(That’s a heck of a reason to celebrate! YEAH!)
He knows the very number of hairs on your head. (Read Matt.
10:30, Luke 12:7)
If I have any piece of advice for our New Year’s Resolutions
it would be to seek God. We can make plans. We can set goals, and rightfully
so. But without God, it’s all for naught.
“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding
brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and
understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so
that I could remove mountains, but have
not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my good to feed the poor,
and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.”
(1 Cor. 13:1-3)
God is love. Why? Because of His Greatest Gift, Jesus. Without Jesus, I am nothing.
There are so many kind-hearted, good, genuine people. But
they do not have love… aka, Jesus. And their good works, and “good way of life”
will not bring them into heaven, and that makes me sad. But as long as I am
given life, I will remain passionate about lost souls. And with that, there is
always HOPE.
I’ve selfishly wasted away my years because I wasn’t seeking
God and the very purpose I was created for. I share with you my story to help
save you from any regret and years of missed blessings. I share with you
because I care about your soul. I share with you because I want you to
experience the fullness of God. Don’t burn daylight by walking your own path.
Don’t waste your days like me, like Moses, Abraham, David, and many more
examples. It took them many years to seek God’s will fully. Let it be a lesson
to us. We can only learn by getting in the Word. That is your starting point
and your focalpoint. I also encourage you to subtract something, or some thing(s)
that serve as a distraction from hearing from the Lord. (i.e. the cares of this
world)
So, you were wanting to know how to find the will of God? I do not have the answer
to your unique destiny, but I know where to start!
His Word says: “Do not be conformed to this world, but be
transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect
will of God.” –Romans 12:2
Remove the distractions. Remove the idols. Nothing else
matters if you don’t have Jesus. I promise you. Nothing.
Don’t worry about getting it all right, becoming whole right
away in the areas needing mending. Matthew 5:33 says “But seek first the kingdom of Godand
His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”
I don’t know how more clear it could be. The days on earth
pale in comparison to eternity. And we have a choice to make: either a life of
eternity spent in hell or eternity spent in heaven. "...Behold, now is the
accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation." -2 Corinthians 6:2
Dear sisters and brothers, we are not promised tomorrow.
Your day of salvation can be right here, right now behind the very screen of
your computer, or smart phone. It can be like me, on the floors of a client’s
bathroom. “The word is near you, in your
mouth and in your heart (that is, the word of faith which we preach): that
if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that
God has raised Him from the dead you will be saved.” –Romans 10:18-19
That’s it! It doesn’t come with any prerequisite. No
specific place of where you should be or what specific time. Just believe
and proclaim it!
Mark 4 is a great chapter to mention. In The Parable of the
Sower, Jesus explains 4 types of people. Don’t be the first, who hears the
Gospel, and lets it fall by the wayside. A heart so hardened. It’s ideal that
we would “hear His Word, accept it, and bear fruit: some thirtyfold, some
sixty, and some hundred.” (v. 20) Some may at first be receptive like stony
ground, “immediately receive it with gladness; and have no root in themselves,
and so endure only for a time. Afterward, when tribulation or persecution
arises for the world’s sake, immediately they stumble.” (v.16-17) Others may
have thorny receptors: “they are the ones who hear the Word, and the cares of
this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things
entering in choke the Word, and it becomes unfruitful.” (v.18-19)
Why do some people lose their fire for God? They have no
roots.
In this upcoming year, I encourage you…
Do the
obvious pruning. Out with the old habits and old ways, no matter how
addicting.
Be
still.
Seek
God.
Wait
on Jesus. Wait on the Holy Spirit. (TIME IS YOUR FRIEND)
He
will root you.
He
will water you.
If you
remain faithful, you WILL bear fruit.
Some of us need to forgive ourselves.
Some of us need to let
go of bitterness towards those we have been severely wounded by.
***This is important. Maybe you are “saved”, and this might
be the only thing you take away. Let it be this: “For if you forgive men their
trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your
Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matt.6:14-15)
If you believe you are saved, you know Jesus has forgiven
you and your brothers and sisters’ sins. Saying you can’t forgive, sets you on
a pedestal above God Almighty. Wow, and believe me, when I heard it that way,
my heart changed right quick like!
Some of us have been hurt by the “church” and other
“Christians,” and we call them hypocritical.
***Your faith was in man, not God. A real Christian is still
a sinner.
Some of us just need to be taken by the hand of God and let
Him pour out His love on us.
Let go. Let God.
Commit to Him.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for this opportunity
to share with others what You have given me. Thank You for allowing me to
rejoice with my sister and brothers in Christ who have heard of your Good News
and walk in Your ways. Bless them for their faithfulness. Let them bear the
fruit! For the ones who desire Your Son Jesus as their Lord and Savior, I pray
You would soften their hearts; let Your seed fall upon good ground, so that
they would accept Your word. I pray for those with stony and thorny receptors.
May their fire be lit for Jesus and may it never be extinguished by the cares
of this world. Reach the lost soul today who comes across Your message. Thank
You for another birthday, one in which I can celebrate with gladness, with Joy
in my heart. Thank you, Lord, in advance for 2K16! I trust You with my life. Continue
to show us what is Your good and perfect will. You are a good good Father and I
love you. Thank You for loving me first.
My story of the good work God has done in me is unique to my
own journey; However, *the message* of my testimony of Jesus Christ is
available to all.
Today, I felt the Lord prompting me to elaborate on the point of my previous post. I laid the
foundation of my testimony by sharing my story. But maybe I only in a
round-about-way specified what that actually means. I can’t help but get
excited about the Good News of the gospel and sometimes I forget to make my
point clear, but, the Lord is my best teacher and I learn a lot when looking
back, in hindsight. He felt this follow-up post was important, and therefore, I
do too.
Salvation.
That’s *the message* of the testimony of Jesus Christ.
That is what I have gained, by believing in Jesus as my Lord and Savior.
Salvation gives me life forever
in heaven with my King. Salvation saves me from death: everlasting punishment in
hell with Satan. (Read Matthew 25)
Our God, the Father, cannot dwell in sin. (Read Isaiah 59:2)
This is why He sent His Son to save us.
We have our God…that is our Father
We have the birth of Jesus Christ…that is the Son of God
We have the birth, and the death and resurrection of Jesus
Christ…that is our salvation “IF you
confess with you mouth the Lord Jesus andbelieve in your heart that God has
raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” (Romans 10:9) …and at the moment
of conversion (the moment we are saved), we are filled with the Holy Spirit
(Ephesians 1:13)
(That is the Trinity: God is… our Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit)
I called myself “Christian” and I believed in God. I also
“believed” in Jesus… because I heard that’s what the bible teaches us if we
want a ticket into heaven. I didn’t comprehend human sacrifice… God himself,
God Incarnate, dying for the punishment of my
sins? It wasn’t real for me, it
didn’t change my heart because I didn’t allow it to; It was only a belief that
I pushed into the back of my head. I had accepted this at a young age (10-11
years old) one day at church, along with my childhood bestfriend and a few
other kids. The pastor was preaching to the youth group about Heaven and Hell
and Salvation. He talked about hell and I remember the sanctuary being dark
(literally and figuratively). That’s not a place I wanted to go and though our
eyes were suppose to be closed at this certain time, I opened mine and peeked
at my friend, who apparently didn’t want to go there either…she was already making
her way to the altar. That’s where Pastor called us up if we chose to accept
Jesus as our Lord. I soon followed. Pastor Tommy baptized me one Sunday morning
afterwards in front of the congregation at Chestnut Grove Baptist Church (a church
I only sometimes went to, but I am thankful for the times I attended and the
people who carried me). It starts with a family member’s mother who needed a
ride to church so my mom would take her some Sundays, which then stirred
something in my mom to go. The mornings Mom attended, she would take me too.
Also, I am so grateful for a family dear to mine who would take me when I spent
Saturday nights over at their house (the family of my childhood bestfriend. We
were both baptized on that same morning).
So here’s the next 14 years or so (give or take a year) -as
a “Christian”- summarized at the best of my ability:
…not very active in church
…attended VBS, sometimes, with a family who watched my brother
and I during the summer
…never studied the
bible & prayed weak prayers in my mind
…never active in a community or group, other than sports
teams
...sometimes went to Wednesday Night church service with a childhood friend
...went on one church retreat to Tennessee with a group of friends and their church and I came back pretty sick. (not a coincidence)
…had two seizures at age 11 and 13…I say that, first because
all neurological tests, CT scans, and whatever else was done to find the
cause…nothing came back abnormal, except the theory that hormones were the
culprit. Secondly, read (Mark 9:17-22,25), (Matthew 17:14-20), (Luke 9:37-42), (Matthew 4:24), (Matthew 8:16), (Matthew 12:22), Casting out demons. If you believe that the Bible is the Word of God, then you must believe
it to be true in it’s entirety. Those books are listed in the New Testament and
make up the four gospels. This is real. (What God wants to further reveal
to me about that part of my life, let Him have His way…what I do know and have
is complete peace…shalom… and I know “affliction will not rise up a second time.”
(Nahum 1:9) It is well with my soul.)
…My parents divorced when I was 13 years old.
…Mom accepted Jesus Christ into her life and I watched her
change, as her faith grew. It was contagious. It affected me and got me
curious.
…Mom tried to get us into a church; we visited several and
became members of one, but had to eventually end up leaving, due to very real reasons. My mom received the
spiritual gift of discernment and felt called to leave. That is all I will say.
…the spiritual battle was raging. After my parents’ divorce,
my mom and me and my brother moved into a house off of “Battlement Circle.” Are you seeing the symbolism here? The city of
Loganville, Ga…”Home of the Red Devils.” (Mom has correlated that one.) The
neighborhood we lived in was built on a certain piece of property. Don’t miss this... The lady (Mrs.
Watson) who my mom took to church was the very same lady who sold her house and
property to this person who then sold it to that person, and eventually built
the neighborhood we moved in to (Watson’s Mill). There was a deeper spiritual
battle going on when Mom accepted Jesus Christ. Satan hated it. Mrs. Watson was
a light and she planted a seed in Mom along the way, and there was a deep spiritual
battle warring on 3360 Battlement Circle when Mom was stepping into her new
self, her new life with Christ. WOW. just WOW. Only by God can I find symbolism
in that and correlate/compare the spiritual
to the reality.
...I learned a great deal about spiritual warfare, demonic
forces, and witchcraft even. Something that happens still today, and very few
are willing to admit that or allow themselves to believe it to be true.
…I began to build my faith around Mom’s faith. Because she
shared a great deal with me about her testimony and experiences, I too, felt a
part of her story. God wanted me to
leave the nest and have my own story and testimony…nothing against my mom. At
all.
…Sophomore year of highschool, somewhere in the middle of
Mom’s conversion and the apparent spiritual warfare, I developed an eating
disorder called anorexia. It was traumatic. I had a lot of stress from the
divorce, and from factors I neither could control nor comprehend, so I picked
something I could and the devil used it to my disadvantage. I had poor self
esteem and bad body image. I lost friends and felt worthless. I was dating a
guy throughout middle school and highschool and we broke up. I felt numb. I
just didn’t care about anything.
…I, then, wanted to gain weight and find healing. I remember
a guest speaker one day in my highschool elective dance class. The woman was a
counselor coming to speak to the class as a whole about the severity of eating
disorders. I felt the message was directed at me, and me alone. My parents were
obviously very much concerned, too, and they of course tried to convince me to
get medical help. I stubbornly declined. It was when Dad said he was going to
take me, did I try to muster up courage to make the decision myself to eat more.
…I gained weight, but through bingeing. So I went from one
extreme eating disorder to the next. (This is explained in a previous post)
…My eating disorders were “my story.” It’s what I shared
when asked about my testimony. The youth leader laughed at me- That was my perception. So I kept quiet. Just kept being a
listener. The devil didn’t want me to find my voice. “But as for you, you meant
evil against me; but God meant it for
good, in order to bring it about as it is
this day, to save many people alive.” (Gen. 50:20). Amen to that, sista!
Amen to that, brotha! **Cue “Roar” by Katy Perry** GO GOD!
...In the middle of my eating disorders, Dad got remarried. They soon divorced, also.
…I got back together with my boyfriend, graduated
highschool, went to college and freshman year we (my family...Mom, me and my brother) had to move into an apartment.
…August 12th, 2012- My brother was hit by a car while
crossing the road. (also talked about in a previous post of mine). He was in
the ICU with an induced coma for a week and went through months of therapy,
surgeries, and recovery. His full recovery, with the exception of minor
headaches from the brain trauma, is a complete miracle. The fact that he is still
alive, can only be because of God. Thank
You, Lord. Thank You! I witnessed the peace Mom had when I saw her in the
emergency room that night. That was
God.
…Things happened with me and my boyfriend at the time and it
was time we went our separate ways.
...My mom got remarried. God called her out of a life of singleness and brought my step-father and her together. She and I moved in with him and his three boys into their house. My step-father is a man of God. His boys were raised in church and they know the Word and I see their fruits.
…Seeds were starting to sprout in my life. I wanted what Mom
had. I desired that so much. I desired, also, what she and my step-father had (i.e. their time in prayer together and God bringing it into fruition, their Marriage Covenant, and honoring God with their relationship)
…Mind you, I was continuing to live in unrepentant sin.
…I found other things to mask the loneliness and wounds I
caused on myself (the sins) and ones that I had no control over (i.e. parents’
divorce).
…I busied myself in self, in my ego... anything and
everything (but Jesus) to make me feel accepted and loved. It worked for
awhile. The world drew me in. I was promiscuous to a certain degree that was
enough for me to look back on now and be disgusted by. I displayed my body in
unacceptable ways on social media. I had no self-respect. I was overly proud. I
enjoyed the attention.
…It was temporary and as it was fading and as I was trying to
get closer to God, I was dissatisfied.
...I was still dealing with eating disorders and I didn't understand why, God??
…Feb 2015 I was encouraged by my “What Happens When Women
Walk in Faith” online bible study to leave my idol, which was covering the
wounds caused by past sin and the current sin. It was filling the void. I let the idol compensate for the healing power of the blood of Jesus. "I have this under cover God, no big deal." That was a control issue. And an act of fear. Fear of failure/rejection.
...God used an older (than me) woman to speak Truth over me.. "slow down." So that's what finally encouraged me to leave what I was putting before God. The idol was causing me to live a chaotic, anxious life...it caused wreckage (literally and figuratively)
………………………..time in the tent with God……..”in the wilderness”
(Hosea 2:14)………..
[intermission…if you
must :) ]
...I joined an in-home bible study with a fabulous group of girls. God lead my bestfriend to join and she, in turn, invited me. We all engaged with one another in fellowship and with the Lord in His Word and in prayer. We initially went over the beginning of the the book of Luke. That's where God stirred my heart and used Luke 1:45 to give me Hope of His promises. I only attended a handful of times, but the Lord blessed it. I am thankful for those women.
...God was preparing me for His Grace. He used one of my dear friends to show me what that meant through our dispute and reconciliation. God brought it around full circle.
…I joined the next bible study “The Mended Heart” in July
2015 and asked God to expose the wounds I had self-medicated. He did. (July 6th)
...I felt worthless when He did expose them. I was unable to forgive myself. God put a very special cousin of mine in my path to shine a light of Truth and she did it with Love. The way I was seeing myself wasn't an accurate picture of what Christ has done for me. I was basically denying the work that Jesus accomplished on the cross! "When you are wrapped up in guilt and condemnation, you need to forgive yourself! You can go through deliverance, but if you don't forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made, you won't experience the breakthrough that you need to be totally set free!" WOW. It was like I was saying I know Jesus died for my sins but IIII can't forgive my sins. I was saying I was mightier than the Almighty? Essentially, yes.
…Thursday, July 9th
2015 The day my life changed forever. I was in the middle of cleaning and
dealing with the resurface of my wound that I had asked God to reveal. I
remember the moment clear as day. I turned on Pandora to the Francesca
Battistelli channel. I was in some real need of uplift and encouragement. The
first song to come on was “Healer” by Kari Jobe. “Jesus You’re all I need…You’re my healer.” I proclaimed it first
in my mind and then confessed it with my mouth. I wept. This revelation brought
me to my knees and the Holy Spirit showered me with love. I don’t know how to
describe the feeling. No words would do it justice.
…I was dating amongst all of this. I obviously wasn’t ready.
I can see that, in hindsight.
…I knew nobody could make me whole, nobody but Jesus. But
God wanted to reveal much more to me than that. I didn’t know the extent and
depth of how badly I had been affected from my parents’ divorce. I didn’t know
how fearful I was that I would make the same mistake. I held a lot of
expectations, which inevitably puts a lot of pressure on another. And, I was unintentionally laying my personal convictions on others. :(
…When I stopped loving the idea of love and fell in love
with Jesus, I found peace. I found my walk of faith. Trusting Him is not always
easy and there are days when I want a bigger view of my future than just the
day that I have been given. “One day at a
time,” I have to tell myself.
...I went to and still go to church on Sunday mornings, and sometimes I would honestly skip because of insecurity. I've gone with others to theirs and have enjoyed the sermons. God has always been working through each and every sermon, each and every person he brings into my life (I love you all! and I couldn't be any more grateful and blessed by you!) and through every act of my obedience.
...I have a close knit circle of friends, who have listened to me and have prayed over me through it all.
...I have desires to get involved in community. Do less and BE more.
...I believe I am healed from my eating disorder because Jesus fills me and I am satisfied.
So, *grasps for breath of air* that’s as transparent as I
come, minus the exception of some personal details- maybe used for one-on-one,
face-to-face conversations. Whatever the Lord wills, I ask Him to use me where
He sees there’s a need.
God can only work
in us and use us as much as we make ourselves available. I’m on fire for God! You can be too!!!
So this is a general overview of my testimony:
1. I knew God, and knew Jesus as only a “theory.”
2. I had unrepented sin in my life. The sin had
consequences.
3. I had wounds from them that I caused and others had
caused.
4. I chose idols to help fill the void and used them to self-medicate.
5. Nothing I did relieved the pain.
6. I found Jesus to be my Healer. He forgave me, and wiped my slate clean.
7. He did a good work in me and will continue until the day
He returns.
8. I can walk in peace. I can walk, being fulfilled with the
love of Jesus and I can serve others withoutlosing myself.
9. Because I have Jesus, I have purpose and joy.
10. Because I have Jesus, I am free.
My dad raised me to be grateful and I learned what a genuine "thank you" can do. So, thank you Daddy! I wouldn't be the woman I am today without your kind heart. AND I am so thankful God has allowed this time for us to make new memories as we have lost some over the years not living together. Also, thank you to everyone I have EVER crossed paths with...for showing me love in your own unique way! You've been the hands carrying me home.
Finally, thank you so much for listening.
I hope God uses my testimony to touch your
life in a way only He can. Jesus is the only One who can save your soul. Believing in God never made me a Christian; I never knew for certain where I was going when I left the earth. Now, I have no doubt in my mind, that I forever belong in the Kingdom of God, and will spend eternity in heaven with my King when I leave earth.
Dear God,
Thank you for this sweet sister, this sweet brother who you lead here today to read my story and the testimony of your love and sacrifice. Lord, I pray that her heart, his heart wouldn't be hardened to this truth. I pray you would reach the depth of her soul, his soul. I pray your invitation of eternal life would weigh so heavily on them that they would have no other option but to accept and forever be changed. Thank You, Lord for what You are doing, even for the things that I may never see. You are good and I can rest assured knowing none of this was in vain. To yours be the glory forever and ever. In Jesus' name, Amen.
“Blessed is she
who believed, for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told
her from the Lord.” –Luke 1:45
Mary was the chosen vessel to nurture the Messiah.
Elizabeth was told of the place her son (John the Baptist, *see
Luke 1:5-25, 57-80) would hold in the divine economy.
Each accepted her role and that of her son with humble obedience. Though different in
age and in season of life, Mary and Elizabeth were the same in their commitment, which prompted each to offer herself to
the Savior.
It’s important to note the scripture here. Mary went to the
house of Zacharias to greet Elizabeth. As soon as the voice of Mary was heard,
John leaped for joy in the womb of
his mother, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit (v.40-41 & 44).
We see Mary respond with a hymn of praise, known as the Magnificat. It spoke of the deliverance
of Israel, both spiritual and physical; but it also told of the illumination
that would come to the Gentiles.
Her song in Luke (chapter 1, verses 46-55) was made up of
bits and pieces of a bunch of different Psalms. Some suggest that the literary
masterpiece could not come from a young peasant girl. However, such conjecture
dismisses divine inspiration, which by definition surpasses human ability and
giftedness. Divine inspiration is able to place a heavenly message in an
earthly vessel. I believe it’s safe to say, Mary knew her bible… in the very
least. The angel, Gabriel, called her highly
favored one(v. 28). Let us read Mary’s song:
“And Mary said:
‘My soul magnifies the Lord,
And my spirit has rejoiced in
God my Savior.
For He has regarded the lowly
state of His
maidservant;
For behold, henceforth all
generations will
call me
blessed.
For He who is mighty has done
great things for
me,
And holy is His
name.
And His mercy is
on those who
fear Him.
From generation to generation
He has shown strength with His
arm;
He has scattered the proud
in the imagination
of their
hearts.
He has put down the mighty
from their
thrones,
And exalted the lowly.
He has filled the
hungry with
good things,
And the rich He
has sent away
empty.
He has helped His servant Israel,
In remembrance of His
mercy,
As He spoke to our fathers,
To Abraham and to his seed
forever.’
Mary actually described herself as the maidservant (Greek word is doules, “female servant”) of the Lord. There is no hint of an
oppressive bondage imposed by another but rather a self-determined submission
to the will of God.
Pastor John’s words from today’s sermon:
“The angel shows up and says to Mary, ‘Hey, God loves you and favors you and wants to do something amazing in
your life.’ But it’s troubling, challenging, costly and potentially painful
for Mary. So, she engages with God. One
commentary explains it like this…Mary did not submit to the will of God, rather
Mary surrendered to the totality of her
being, engaging the will of God… She
says a well-considered “yes” to what God is doing.”
{Yes, God is always doing.
Never resting. Omnipresent. God does not force or impose, but He stirs and
invites. He wants to do something amazing in your life! I wish I could grab
each of you by the hand and look into your eyes and tell you personally,
because it’s YOU who He loves and favors. Maybe someday I can. Someday, like
Mary and Elizabeth, maybe our paths will cross.}
This Christmas is one I shall always remember.
How could I forget God’s lovingkindness?
This season is why we can live free. The birth of Jesus
Christ, His death and resurrection-it's what's saved humanity for all eternity.
But we have a choice to accept or reject the invitation.
Jesus has saved my life forever!
…He calls me out beyond the shore into the waves. And it’s
His love- wave after wave- that crashes all over me! I have been washed by the water! A couple posts back I wrote about
Faith and where the journey with God takes us. Since then, He has yet again,
revealed more and more to my spirit. I use the words in Mary’s song for
personal shouts of praise to my Heavenly Father.
Saying “yes” whole-heartedly
to God started near the beginning of this year for me. As I have mentioned in a
previous post, it took God’s wisdom to acknowledge the idols I had placed
before Him in my life and His strength to deny myself and my selfish desires. This
is my testimony:
February 21st is when He spoke through one of my
good friends. “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know
after this.” (John 13:7) His word couldn’t have been any more true to me at
that moment. No, Lord. I do not know what
You are doing. I don’t understand it. Why am I having to walk away from
something that makes me “happy”? Although immature, I was still responding
to the will of God, progressing in
my spritual maturity and walk with the Lord. I decided to remove the idol,
which happened to be the gym (for me at the time), from my life until God made
me whole in that area.
A little over a month later, I remember God speaking to me
again through His word concerning the same matter because I still didn’t
understand His purpose. I had been running and exercising outside, doing things
in nature. On this day, April 1st, God gave me comfort through
Isaiah 43:19-20: “Behold, I will do a
new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a
road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. The beast of the field
will honor Me, the jackals and the ostriches, because I give waters in the wilderness and rivers in the desert, to give drink
to My people, My chosen.” I had just gotten done with a run at Stone
Mountain and packed a bag for afterwards to study out in the warm, sunny spring
day. I parked my toosh on a rock facing a lake with the mountain behind it. The
scenery couldn’t have been any more true to the analogy that God was about to
speak to my spirit. “…now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it?” Actually, God, I do not know it, no. But I know that it is good and I trust that you are, in
fact, doing a new thing! That day brought me hope for what He had already begun.
Like Mary, I too was surrendering to the totality of my being. It was the
acknowledgment of my idols and sin that was leading me to repentance and a life
completely dependent on the fullness of God’s love. I didn’t walk away from
those things because I thought it would make God love me more. No. He loved me
first. That’s the whole message of the gospel. That’s the reason for the
season… for Christmas!
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten
Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the
world through Him might be saved.” (John 3:16-17)
“If we think God’s love is simply a barrage of mandates
reigning down from On High, then we don’t know God the way Mary knows God”
–Pastor John
AMEN!
“…the world through Him might
be saved.” We have a choice. The invitation to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord
and Savior is not exclusive to Christians, but to all of His creation. You and
me, sinners. You and me, male and female, You and me, differing in race. But
it’s you and me, who are loved equally by God who calls us to be set-apart
Christians. Devoted Christians. Not half-way in the water, but fully immersed and
sanctified by the truth that God is love. We just have to choose! Choose to
dive in!
Change is difficult and challenging; it can be costly and
painful, and it can be lonely. I can only imagine being in Mary’s shoes perhaps
feeling burdensome or fearful of such great news. In her day, a woman who was
pregnant, or had sex out of wedlock was stoned (see Deut. 22). However, we don’t know for
certain how often and how regularly that happened. So with that in mind, and
the fact that she was a virgin, How could
this be true? (she asked the angel, v.34). We may ask the same question
regarding Mary’s story and even our own, but great faith defies all logic.
Satan whispered lies to try and real me back in. He works
through the world, you know. Through commercial ads, through pop-culture music,
through media…telling us that we are not good enough, tempting us back into our
old ways so we can feel accepted by the rest of society. All of that is garbage
and a tool used by the enemy. We are not called to “fit in.”We are not to conform to this world (Romans
12:2). He called us out of darkness into His marvelous light. (1 Peter 2:9) Jesus
says it best: “I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but
that You should keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as
I am not of the world. Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth. As you
sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. And for their
sakes I sanctify Myself, that they also may be sanctified by the truth.” (John
17:15-18)
The months proceeding were difficult to say the least. I was
being stripped of my old self and my old ways to follow the Lord, in order to
put on a new self. I felt barren and naked. I felt exposed, wounded and broken.
Maybe not to others in it’s entirety, but to myself and that alone, was enough.
God revealed to me during those months much of my brokenness, and none of it
felt good. I knew that I had to remain faithful. I had to endure and trust that
He would never leave me nor forsake me. I had to believe that His strength
would continue to bring me through;
it would pull me out of the pit that I was headed for. He knew that I had to
learn. He knew that I had to see what it was that He was healing. Otherwise,
how could I bring Him praise? If I am His hands and feet, what story would I
have to offer, personally, to the testimony of Jesus Christ had I not walked
through the fire? Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Because I was working out all the implications from all that
I had said “yes” to, I did feel isolated, in a way, from the rest of “mankind”.
I had to busy myself in Jesus plus
nothing. I am thankful for the friends and family who have stuck with me
and have allowed me this time. To the ones who love me enough to accept this
season of my life, when you could have easily walked out, I thank you for
sticking through and being my praying warriors. You the real MVPs ;)
This is not to bring myself any credit. No. “I am a nobody,
just trying to tell everybody about somebody who can save anybody.” God has
brought everything that is good into my life. But it does take effort. It takes
work. Seeking the Lord is a choice we must willingly make. Becoming His
whole-hearted servant and not just a toes-in-the-water-type-of-Christian.
So I devoted time. TIME!!!! Allotted TIME. I had to MAKE
SPACE in my “oh-so-busy-schedule” to engage with God. Not rushed prayer in
between breakfast and brushing my teeth, but I made it a point to get into His
word daily and wait for His voice. I have to be in tune to the Holy Spirit’s guidance
throughout the day, so I feel there is no other way than to start the day with the Lord."We must exchange whispers with God before shouts with the world."-Lysa Terkeurst
I made it a point to find inspiration and encouragement in
bible studies and spiritual readings. I bought prayer journals to write and
reflect in. Prayer journals help me so much! I can look back today and marvel at the good work He has done in
me! I don’t take His mighty power in you and I lightly! It’s so amazing to bare
witness to the love of Jesus Christ.
The destination to my journey is far far away in the future,
far many years from now, God-willing. I am always evolving and growing. This is
the biggest transformation in my life, as I can see it. I have a true testimony!!
I remember meeting with a lady, whose name shall go
unmentioned. I was sixteen at the time and my mom was looking for a home church
for her, my brother, and me. Every thing about meeting with this lady felt
strange, odd, and uncomfortable. Though she was the youth leader (at the church we were currently visiting), it still felt
random that she wanted to meet with me, but I complied. We met at a mutual
Starbucks. She wanted to hear “my story”. All I had to offer her was how I had
just went through a serious eating disorder. “That’s your testimony?” (she snickered). I felt shamed and wrong
for uttering a deep personal issue with this stranger. I felt that mustering up
enough courage to just even speak, was being spit back into my face. Everything
felt wicked and dark and unloving. At the time I didn’t know the deeper
spiritual battle warring around me. My flesh did not like this woman. I did not
want to give her the power, so I waited to cry until we were no longer face to
face. And if that wasn’t enough for me the bury myself and zip my mouth shut
for the rest of my life, the devil put the icing on the cake when she and I
were departing. I had my very first job interview later that week and I asked her if she would pray for me. She looked at me and said “ok,”
but her body language read “ok, rightttttt.” and she did actually snicker aloud. Though she smiled, my perception
read that she was laughing at me. Maybe I
didn’t have a true testimony then, but I was on my way and the enemy saw it
too. He tried but you already know who won!!!
Just recently, everything has seemed to come together,
that’s why its now that I am sharing!
December 9th, God lead me to Hosea 2:14 & 19-20 “Therefore, behold, I will allure her, will
bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her. …I will betroth
you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me. In righteousness and justice,
in lovingkindess and mercy; I will
betroth you to me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord.” So, THAT’S what You were doing, Lord!!? I
did not understand it then, but now I do!You have paved the narrow road in the wilderness, and you have been my
living water.You bring me NEW
LIFE!!!And my heart is content with
Your plan for me. You know the thoughts that you think towards me, thoughts of
peace not of evil. That scripture from Hosea was from a devotional I
receive via email and I decided to check it that day. The very next day, God
once again used Hosea to confirm His purpose/plan and this time He spoke
through my Proverbs 31 online bible study “Unglued” by Lysa Terkeurst. It was
Hosea 10:12 “Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap in mercy, break up your
fallow ground, for it is time to seek
the Lord, till He comes and rains righteousness on you.”
“…break up your fallow ground.”
He was tearing down all the unsteady walls I had built
against Him. I am no carpenter and I was building on a weak foundation. God saw
that and stepped inside the door of my heart and began a day of demolition, so
He could lay a new, strong foundation. Amen, amen, amen!!!
I never worked on my “underbelly.” I stored my mess in the
closets of my heart and swept them under the rugs. I bandaged them with worldly
things. I tried to portray a life of togetherness to the world, but inside I
was crying. Behind closed doors, I was breaking.
“Doing all the tough work on the underbelly will pay off
down the road when I know all the pretty décor is not covering up anything but
rather enhancing the architecture. And this is exactly what the underbelly of
my life looks like. Isn’t this what we do in our personal development and
spiritual lives? We are in such a hurry to look good that we put on the pretty
décor to appear as if we’re all together, but so often we don’t take care of
the underbelly. And, man, this is hard work. Some days it doesn’t seem like
I’ve gotten much done…I still get offended when someone asks a question in a
way that makes me feel like I’ve failed. I still want to retaliate when someone
hurts me. I still get insecure when I don’t feel comfortable. I still get
jealous when someone else accomplishes the thing I dream of doing, The
underbelly takes tough work that isn’t always immediately visible, but it’s the
foundation to our health- emotionally and spiritually. (1)” –Jenny Catron
After He had already used more than just a few verses in
Hosea, I felt God leading me to read the book of Hosea in its entirety. Had I
not, I would have missed “…’But Me she
forgot,’ says the Lord.” (2:13) and “I
knew you in the wilderness, in the land of great drought. When they had pasture, they were filled;
they were filled and their heart was exalted; therefore they forgot me.”
I forgot You, Lord. I
forgot You. Oh, the sadness my soul did feel reading over that truth. Oh
the tears I wept for forgiveness. When I had “pasture,” (i.e. worldly
acceptance and validation) I was “filled.” This idea of fullness conveys the
sense of complacency, leading to a false sense of self-reliance so that my
heart was exalted. Therefore, I forgot Him. I
am so sorry, Lord. I was the promiscuous Gomer. I was a selfish harlot in
my own way. But God shows compassionate and unconditional love for His people
and His anger at our disobedience. Gomer’s life also illustrates the depth of
God’s forgiveness and restoration. The Lord told the prophet, Hosea, to marry
Gomer- the wife of harlotry and adulteress- and redeem her as a picture of His
relationship with His people. How amazing!
I do pray that God will use His story and work in me to help
you have faith to say “yes”, or to help you trust your “yes”, or to give you
hope in the blessings of His promises because of your decision to say “yes.”
Like Mary and Elizabeth, we can rejoice in His goodness and
lovingkindess, in His blessings and the miraculous power of His love. We can
have peace because the ultimate sacrifice has saved our souls, “that if you
confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has
raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” (Romans 10:9)
“For with God, nothing will be impossible.” (Luke 1:37)
“The Lord is good
to those who wait for Him, to the soul who
seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the
salvation of the Lord. It is good for
a man to bear the yoke in his youth.” (Lamentations 3:25-27)
I encourage you to lay the foundation in your singleness and
while you are young (also see Proverbs 3). I so strongly want God to break the
curse of divorce that runs in my family. Being a child of divorced parents, God
has made me passionate about the way He views love and marriage and has changed
my misconceptions my former self had me believing. Thank God He came through.
I’ll save that for another blog post, perhaps. Anyway, my brokenness from that,
was revealed over a decade later, because that’s when I finally decided to allow
God in and mend me.
I could seriously go on and on. But I'll have time, if God allows
me to share more and more. And quite honestly, It’s too late to have a fifth cup
of coffee… that’s a lie, a third. Just two today, y’all!
Until next time,
I pray “that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith;
that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all
the saints what is the width and
depth and height- to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you
may be filled with all the fullness of God.”
MUCH LOVE and Merry Christmas!! It’s not too late to say “yes”
to God and experience Jesus in a fresh way this season!
“For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given; and
the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called
Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” (Isaiah
9:6)
xoxoxox
Notes:
(1) From Jenny Catron’s blog “Leading in Shades of Grey.”
This post titled “The Underbelly”
Also, Pastor John’s words and sermons can be found off
the Grace Snellville website (gfc.tv) I do encourage you to come visit one of
the Grace locations if you are searching for a church family! It’s much better
in person, and God knows we need community! (“For where two or three are
gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them."-Matthew 18:20
