Salvation and My Testimony

Hey, friend.

Grab a cup of coffee, I found my voice!

My story of the good work God has done in me is unique to my own journey; However, *the message* of my testimony of Jesus Christ is available to all.

Today, I felt the Lord prompting me to elaborate on the point of my previous post. I laid the foundation of my testimony by sharing my story. But maybe I only in a round-about-way specified what that actually means. I can’t help but get excited about the Good News of the gospel and sometimes I forget to make my point clear, but, the Lord is my best teacher and I learn a lot when looking back, in hindsight. He felt this follow-up post was important, and therefore, I do too.

Salvation.

That’s *the message* of the testimony of Jesus Christ.

That is what I have gained, by believing in Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

Salvation gives me life forever in heaven with my King. Salvation saves me from death: everlasting punishment in hell with Satan. (Read Matthew 25)

Our God, the Father, cannot dwell in sin. (Read Isaiah 59:2)

This is why He sent His Son to save us.

We have our God…that is our Father

We have the birth of Jesus Christ…that is the Son of God

We have the birth, and the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ…that is our salvation “IF you confess with you mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” (Romans 10:9) …and at the moment of conversion (the moment we are saved), we are filled with the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13)

(That is the Trinity: God is… our Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit)

I called myself “Christian” and I believed in God. I also “believed” in Jesus… because I heard that’s what the bible teaches us if we want a ticket into heaven. I didn’t comprehend human sacrifice… God himself, God Incarnate, dying for the punishment of my sins? It wasn’t real for me, it didn’t change my heart because I didn’t allow it to; It was only a belief that I pushed into the back of my head. I had accepted this at a young age (10-11 years old) one day at church, along with my childhood bestfriend and a few other kids. The pastor was preaching to the youth group about Heaven and Hell and Salvation. He talked about hell and I remember the sanctuary being dark (literally and figuratively). That’s not a place I wanted to go and though our eyes were suppose to be closed at this certain time, I opened mine and peeked at my friend, who apparently didn’t want to go there either…she was already making her way to the altar. That’s where Pastor called us up if we chose to accept Jesus as our Lord. I soon followed. Pastor Tommy baptized me one Sunday morning afterwards in front of the congregation at Chestnut Grove Baptist Church (a church I only sometimes went to, but I am thankful for the times I attended and the people who carried me). It starts with a family member’s mother who needed a ride to church so my mom would take her some Sundays, which then stirred something in my mom to go. The mornings Mom attended, she would take me too. Also, I am so grateful for a family dear to mine who would take me when I spent Saturday nights over at their house (the family of my childhood bestfriend. We were both baptized on that same morning).

So here’s the next 14 years or so (give or take a year) -as a “Christian”- summarized at the best of my ability:

…not very active in church

…attended VBS, sometimes, with a family who watched my brother and I during the summer

…never studied the bible & prayed weak prayers in my mind

…never active in a community or group, other than sports teams
...sometimes went to Wednesday Night church service with a childhood friend
...went on one church retreat to Tennessee with a group of friends and their church and I came back pretty sick. (not a coincidence)

…had two seizures at age 11 and 13…I say that, first because all neurological tests, CT scans, and whatever else was done to find the cause…nothing came back abnormal, except the theory that hormones were the culprit. Secondly, read (Mark 9:17-22,25), (Matthew 17:14-20), (Luke 9:37-42), (Matthew 4:24), (Matthew 8:16), (Matthew 12:22), Casting out demons. If you believe that the Bible is the Word of God, then you must believe it to be true in it’s entirety. Those books are listed in the New Testament and make up the four gospels. This is real. (What God wants to further reveal to me about that part of my life, let Him have His way…what I do know and have is complete peace…shalom… and I know “affliction will not rise up a second time.” (Nahum 1:9) It is well with my soul.)

…My parents divorced when I was 13 years old.

…Mom accepted Jesus Christ into her life and I watched her change, as her faith grew. It was contagious. It affected me and got me curious.

…Mom tried to get us into a church; we visited several and became members of one, but had to eventually end up leaving, due to very real reasons. My mom received the spiritual gift of discernment and felt called to leave. That is all I will say.

…the spiritual battle was raging. After my parents’ divorce, my mom and me and my brother moved into a house off of “Battlement Circle.” Are you seeing the symbolism here? The city of Loganville, Ga…”Home of the Red Devils.” (Mom has correlated that one.) The neighborhood we lived in was built on a certain piece of property. Don’t miss this... The lady (Mrs. Watson) who my mom took to church was the very same lady who sold her house and property to this person who then sold it to that person, and eventually built the neighborhood we moved in to (Watson’s Mill). There was a deeper spiritual battle going on when Mom accepted Jesus Christ. Satan hated it. Mrs. Watson was a light and she planted a seed in Mom along the way, and there was a deep spiritual battle warring on 3360 Battlement Circle when Mom was stepping into her new self, her new life with Christ. WOW. just WOW. Only by God can I find symbolism in that and correlate/compare the spiritual to the reality.

...I learned a great deal about spiritual warfare, demonic forces, and witchcraft even. Something that happens still today, and very few are willing to admit that or allow themselves to believe it to be true.

…I began to build my faith around Mom’s faith. Because she shared a great deal with me about her testimony and experiences, I too, felt a part of her story. God wanted me to leave the nest and have my own story and testimony…nothing against my mom. At all.

…Sophomore year of highschool, somewhere in the middle of Mom’s conversion and the apparent spiritual warfare, I developed an eating disorder called anorexia. It was traumatic. I had a lot of stress from the divorce, and from factors I neither could control nor comprehend, so I picked something I could and the devil used it to my disadvantage. I had poor self esteem and bad body image. I lost friends and felt worthless. I was dating a guy throughout middle school and highschool and we broke up. I felt numb. I just didn’t care about anything.

…I, then, wanted to gain weight and find healing. I remember a guest speaker one day in my highschool elective dance class. The woman was a counselor coming to speak to the class as a whole about the severity of eating disorders. I felt the message was directed at me, and me alone. My parents were obviously very much concerned, too, and they of course tried to convince me to get medical help. I stubbornly declined. It was when Dad said he was going to take me, did I try to muster up courage to make the decision myself to eat more.

…I gained weight, but through bingeing. So I went from one extreme eating disorder to the next. (This is explained in a previous post)

…My eating disorders were “my story.” It’s what I shared when asked about my testimony. The youth leader laughed at me- That was my perception. So I kept quiet. Just kept being a listener. The devil didn’t want me to find my voice. “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.” (Gen. 50:20). Amen to that, sista! Amen to that, brotha! **Cue “Roar” by Katy Perry** GO GOD!
...In the middle of my eating disorders, Dad got remarried. They soon divorced, also.

…I got back together with my boyfriend, graduated highschool, went to college and freshman year we (my family...Mom, me and my brother) had to move into an apartment.

…August 12th, 2012- My brother was hit by a car while crossing the road. (also talked about in a previous post of mine). He was in the ICU with an induced coma for a week and went through months of therapy, surgeries, and recovery. His full recovery, with the exception of minor headaches from the brain trauma, is a complete miracle. The fact that he is still alive, can only be because of God. Thank You, Lord. Thank You! I witnessed the peace Mom had when I saw her in the emergency room that night. That was God.
…Things happened with me and my boyfriend at the time and it was time we went our separate ways.
...My mom got remarried. God called her out of a life of singleness and brought my step-father and her together. She and I moved in with him and his three boys into their house. My step-father is a man of God. His boys were raised in church and they know the Word and I see their fruits.

…Seeds were starting to sprout in my life. I wanted what Mom had. I desired that so much. I desired, also, what she and my step-father had (i.e.  their time in prayer together and God bringing it into fruition, their Marriage Covenant, and honoring God with their relationship)

…Mind you, I was continuing to live in unrepentant sin.

…I found other things to mask the loneliness and wounds I caused on myself (the sins) and ones that I had no control over (i.e. parents’ divorce).

…I busied myself in self, in my ego... anything and everything (but Jesus) to make me feel accepted and loved. It worked for awhile. The world drew me in. I was promiscuous to a certain degree that was enough for me to look back on now and be disgusted by. I displayed my body in unacceptable ways on social media. I had no self-respect. I was overly proud. I enjoyed the attention.

…It was temporary and as it was fading and as I was trying to get closer to God, I was dissatisfied.
...I was still dealing with eating disorders and I didn't understand why, God??

…Feb 2015 I was encouraged by my “What Happens When Women Walk in Faith” online bible study to leave my idol, which was covering the wounds caused by past sin and the current sin. It was filling the void. I let the idol compensate for the healing power of the blood of Jesus. "I have this under cover God, no big deal." That was a control issue. And an act of fear. Fear of failure/rejection.
...God used an older (than me) woman to speak Truth over me.. "slow down." So that's what finally encouraged me to leave what I was putting before God. The idol was causing me to live a chaotic, anxious life...it caused wreckage (literally and figuratively)

………………………..time in the tent with God……..”in the wilderness” (Hosea 2:14)………..

[intermission…if you must :) ]

...I joined an in-home bible study with a fabulous group of girls. God lead my bestfriend to join and she, in turn, invited me. We all engaged with one another in fellowship and with the Lord in His Word and in prayer. We initially went over the beginning of the the book of Luke. That's where God stirred my heart and used Luke 1:45 to give me Hope of His promises. I only attended a handful of times, but the Lord blessed it. I am thankful for those women.
...God was preparing me for His Grace. He used one of my dear friends to show me what that meant through our dispute and reconciliation. God brought it around full circle.

…I joined the next bible study “The Mended Heart” in July 2015 and asked God to expose the wounds I had self-medicated. He did. (July 6^th)
...I felt worthless when He did expose them. I was unable to forgive myself. God put a very special cousin of mine in my path to shine a light of Truth and she did it with Love. The way I was seeing myself wasn't an accurate picture of what Christ has done for me. I was basically denying the work that Jesus accomplished on the cross! "When you are wrapped up in guilt and condemnation, you need to forgive yourself! You can go through deliverance, but if you don't forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made, you won't experience the breakthrough that you need to be totally set free!" WOW. It was like I was saying I know Jesus died for my sins but IIII can't forgive my sins. I was saying I was mightier than the Almighty? Essentially, yes.

…Thursday, July 9^th 2015 The day my life changed forever. I was in the middle of cleaning and dealing with the resurface of my wound that I had asked God to reveal. I remember the moment clear as day. I turned on Pandora to the Francesca Battistelli channel. I was in some real need of uplift and encouragement. The first song to come on was “Healer” by Kari Jobe. “Jesus You’re all I need…You’re my healer.” I proclaimed it first in my mind and then confessed it with my mouth. I wept. This revelation brought me to my knees and the Holy Spirit showered me with love. I don’t know how to describe the feeling. No words would do it justice.

…I was dating amongst all of this. I obviously wasn’t ready. I can see that, in hindsight.

…I knew nobody could make me whole, nobody but Jesus. But God wanted to reveal much more to me than that. I didn’t know the extent and depth of how badly I had been affected from my parents’ divorce. I didn’t know how fearful I was that I would make the same mistake. I held a lot of expectations, which inevitably puts a lot of pressure on another. And, I was unintentionally laying my personal convictions on others. :(

…When I stopped loving the idea of love and fell in love with Jesus, I found peace. I found my walk of faith. Trusting Him is not always easy and there are days when I want a bigger view of my future than just the day that I have been given. “One day at a time,” I have to tell myself.
...I went to and still go to church on Sunday mornings, and sometimes I would honestly skip because of insecurity. I've gone with others to theirs and have enjoyed the sermons. God has always been working through each and every sermon, each and every person he brings into my life (I love you all! and I couldn't be any more grateful and blessed by you!) and through every act of my obedience.
...I have a close knit circle of friends, who have listened to me and have prayed over me through it all.
...I have desires to get involved in community. Do less and BE more.
...I believe I am healed from my eating disorder because Jesus fills me and I am satisfied.

So, *grasps for breath of air* that’s as transparent as I come, minus the exception of some personal details- maybe used for one-on-one, face-to-face conversations. Whatever the Lord wills, I ask Him to use me where He sees there’s a need.

God can only work in us and use us as much as we make ourselves available. I’m on fire for God! You can be too!!!

So this is a general overview of my testimony:

1. I knew God, and knew Jesus as only a “theory.”

2. I had unrepented sin in my life. The sin had consequences.

3. I had wounds from them that I caused and others had caused.

4. I chose idols to help fill the void and used them to self-medicate.

5. Nothing I did relieved the pain.

6. I found Jesus to be my Healer. He forgave me, and wiped my slate clean.

7. He did a good work in me and will continue until the day He returns.

8. I can walk in peace. I can walk, being fulfilled with the love of Jesus and I can serve others without losing myself.

9. Because I have Jesus, I have purpose and joy.

10. Because I have Jesus, I am free.

My dad raised me to be grateful and I learned what a genuine "thank you" can do. So, thank you Daddy! I wouldn't be the woman I am today without your kind heart. AND I am so thankful God has allowed this time for us to make new memories as we have lost some over the years not living together. Also, thank you to everyone I have EVER crossed paths with...for showing me love in your own unique way! You've been the hands carrying me home.

Finally, thank you so much for listening. 

I hope God uses my testimony to touch your life in a way only He can. Jesus is the only One who can save your soul. Believing in God never made me a Christian; I never knew for certain where I was going when I left the earth. Now, I have no doubt in my mind, that I forever belong in the Kingdom of God, and will spend eternity in heaven with my King when I leave earth.

Dear God, 

Thank you for this sweet sister, this sweet brother who you lead here today to read my story and the testimony of your love and sacrifice. Lord, I pray that her heart, his heart wouldn't be hardened to this truth. I pray you would reach the depth of her soul, his soul. I pray your invitation of eternal life would weigh so heavily on them that they would have no other option but to accept and forever be changed. Thank You, Lord for what You are doing, even for the things that I may never see. You are good and I can rest assured knowing none of this was in vain. To yours be the glory forever and ever. In Jesus' name, Amen.

 

With so much love,

xo.