“Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I
wonder how all those who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape
the madness, melancholia, the panic and fear which is inherent in a human
situation.” -Graham Greene, Ways Of Escape
Ever want to just shut the world off?
As bad as that sounds it’s what I feel like doing. But let
me give reason as to why that is an unhealthy solution to whatever is troubling
your heart and/or mind.
I’ve given it a trial run... the whole “I’m going to avoid
every thing and every body” – “Just let me do ME for Pete’s sake.” Not much at
all benefited from it. The only positive gainer was focusing on and
prioritizing my relationship with God. Fact is, I’m a sinner; we are all
sinners. (See Romans 3:23-24) and sometimes I fall off the track. Whether it is
putting my energy in worldly things, people, and places- instead of God first-
it’s when we fall short of eternal happiness and joy. “Things” are just that…
they come and go, grow old and loose importance and value. But our God endures
forever!
Sure, a nice run alone can clear your mind. Quiet time is
good and essential. However, with everything there should be balance and
moderation. Yeah, well…I didn’t quite follow that “rule of thumb.” I’m an
introvert; there is no doubt about it. It’s just how I am built. Now that
doesn’t go without saying I do love people, and I do love being social,
absolutely, I just find peace/solace in being alone- I can reboot by myself. I
don’t need the help from others… that just tends to have the opposite effect—it
drains me. I don’t mean any offense by that, it’s just the truth.
But when I’m hurting I can tend to shut people off, and this
time it’s a funk that I can’t shake so quickly. The cause doesn’t matter; it’s
irrelevant. But it did bring up and surfaced every insecurity deep inside me…
like BAM- In. My. Face. … Sometimes you feel so strong and then the going may
get rough. I’ve come to realize the areas that I thought I have conquered, I’ve
still got some growing to do there. –Okay, so about shutting people off. Don’t
do it. If you’re anything like me… analytical you are. HARDCORE mind-racer! So
the more I keep to myself, the more alone I am with my thoughts. Bad, bad idea,
very very bad. Working out helped kick it for the time being… always does. But
unfortunately you can’t keep the pump going all day, er sec. So not too long
after that, thoughts resurfaced, so I decided to take a pool date…by
myself…vitamin D, water, and music. Nope didn’t shake it. I just layed and contemplated.
Not long after though, my wonderful mother walked herself down and layed out
with me! All she did was ask, asked “what was up with me,” and I just spilled
it out. I was word vomiting and it was invigorating…I was laying flat on my
stomach while talking to her and moved to sit up on my back to sitting on my
butt to sitting on my butt facing her...looking back I see, yes…it LITTERALY
lifted a weight off… whatever, you can make fun. But I hope you can visualize
how holding onto your troubles may keep you bogged down and heavy. You are too
special to let this world keep you sad!
Last night I decided to use that energy towards something
good, so I wrote down personal goals I want to achieve. Fitness goals,
financial goals, life goals… D. All the above. CrossFit is something I have
been meaning to try forever and finally, I did it! As nervous as I was, I’m so
glad I went! It may be a love affair, but I am definitely working it into my
budget. Where there’s a will, there’s a way…right!? I will get my daggum
pull-up, yes I will! I want to actually feel strong inside, and for me that is
to reach this goal of mine.
I also feel like I need to redirect my priorities. So, I’m
cutting social media. It’s obviously an issue, and I need to eliminate it from
my life, at least refrain from it for a whole week. Poof, be gone.
All this girl wants is REAL... as tangible as something can
get, I want the real thing.
I love prayer and love praying for people. So anything!!
Just call me, text me, leave me a comment, whatever/whichever! I believe that
is important for us as people to be there for other people, and praying can be
intimate, or done afar for that person. God gave us people to fellowship
with…what a great gift! He just wants us to turn to him always! It is in HIM
and HIS word that we find truth and the answer!
With much love,
Me.
No comments:
Post a Comment