Am I going to Believe God?
I shouldn’t have to understand what God is doing to be
obedient to Him. Trust is much easier
in our own strength if we have all the details laid out. It takes all the more
faith AND leaning on Christ to remain confident through the unknowns.
“Faith is the substance of things hoped for,
the evidence of things not seen.”
(Hebrews 11:1)
“For My thoughts are
not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord.” (Isaiah 55:8)
His promise as Emmanuel is so secure and true that we can
trust Him. Wherever we go, He is with us. When plans don’t go like I had hoped
or envisioned, I can remain strong and of good courage instead of afraid and
dismayed.
“A man’s heart plans
his ways, but the Lord directs his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)
“There are many plans
in a man’s heart, nevertheless the Lord’s counsel-that will stand.” (Proverbs
19:21)
Hashtag “PLOT TWIST”
As many of you know, my flight was scheduled to leave early
this morning from ATL and I was to arrive in California early this afternoon.
Yesterday morning, I was cleaning our client’s kitchen as I overheard them
listening to the news down the hall in the living room. The weather reporters
encouraged travelers to keep up to date with their flight schedules due to the
predicted ice/snow for Friday night on into Saturday morning; flights may be
delayed. I knew about these expected conditions earlier in the week, but didn’t
actually think it would take any affect. Even though we live in the south, I
believe all Georgians deep down love a good snow. We show stress as we clear
the bread aisle with as many gallons and cartoons of milk our arms can hold
(because no body got time for carts, we ain’t fixin to be stuck on the roads.)
With our history of some pro-longed ice storms though, I do understand the
preparation… I’m just trying to make light. There is something child-like still
in us all, whether we want to admit it or not, and behind most of our hurrying
around is also a Christmas morning excitement when receiving such news. …Don’t
kid yourself. (pun intended)
I peeked my head into the room, hoping not to interrupt. The
wife had one of her friends over- who also is a dear client- as their husbands
ran errands together. They knew about my leaving, so I asked them their
thoughts. Just as everyone else, they weren’t exactly sure what the weather
would do, but full of compassion and genuine care, they encouraged me to call
the airlines and/or keep posted online as they sincerely told me they would be
praying. Mrs. Ann, so kind, found me not longer after with her phone pulled up
to check the status of my flight. Although there were some technical
difficulties, I knew what to do as soon as I had a break afterwards. We
finished our first home, and I left feeling loved on as they hugged and told me
many times that they would keep me in prayer. Older in their age and wisdom, it
was evident they truly understood the meaning of life. How precious…how special
each moment is…what’s really important and what’s really not. What a warm
“goodbye for now.”
I’m riding in the back seat on the way to our next home,
which I know is much bigger and takes more time to clean. I remember mom
telling me that she should drop me off at the airport that night instead of
this morning, so there wouldn’t be in complications with her getting stuck or
being put in a dangerous position on her way home. Then, I start to think about
all the last minute finalizations I needed to make and the packing I still needed
to do. I wasn’t stressing necessarily, but I was scheduling out in my brain how
I was going to do everything I wanted/needed to do before then. Next, I pull up
my flight status but I must have put in the wrong flight number or chose the
wrong date because it wasn’t matching my itinerary. We are pulling into the
drive-way of our client’s home, so I clicked the lock button and set my phone
down. I would figure all this out once my head was clear and I was able to
focus. It turned out that we weren’t able to get in their home. Even though it
was money lost, it did- selfishly- alleviate some stress on my end. We got back
to the office and I left after some more hugs and “goodbyes for now” to make
some last minute returns. With more time on my hands, I could even get a
workout in before freezing my account and yes, I also squeezed in a visit to
the salon for a manicure. “What a girl wants, what a girl needs, whatever makes
me happy…” (90s music, you my boo.)
At both places, the television was turned to the news where
I heard about the Ft. Lauderdale airport shooting. Awful and heartbreaking.
Instead of making this about me by becoming
paralyzed with fear, I tried to put myself in the shoes of those whose loved
ones were just killed. Truthfully, I never questioned all that was happening as
signs that I should not be going. God has already been so faithful in answering
our prayers and providing the funds for YWAM. He made it all possible! I would
be lying if I said I wasn’t at all afraid. Though very much excited for this
new journey to begin, I have been anxious about what is in store. To name a
few: how much will this reveal my
brokenness? will I feel alone? and then there is the fear of dying so soon.
I wrestle with that one; although I am fully confident of where I am going, I
still have hopes and dreams for the little bit of time we have here; I still
want to see more of Heaven on earth and people come to know Jesus as their Lord
and Savior. There’s still so much to be done!
The Lord has been so gracious and so loving.
It’s not everyday you find a California tag in the state of Georgia,
but He put quite a few in front of me along Hwy 78 (not one car being the
same). It comforted me while I was making my decision to apply for YWAM LA and also
served as confirmation a couple times after being accepted. The months
following, when the fear of dying young heavily presented itself again and
again, I would walk out to find cars parked beside me with a front license
plate from CA (again, all different vehicles). I tried to articulate this
before, but it didn’t seem to register for those I told. Lord, help me as I try
again.
So typically people who move from one state to another, put
their old license plate on the front and the new one obviously on the back. In
my spirit, I believed God was telling me He’s making a temporary home for me out
in LA and overseas, but I will be coming back home (specified GA…not Heaven). I’m not taking a car there, so I
won’t need a license plate, but imagine with me in the supernatural and not the
natural. We are the temple of the Holy Spirit and so His home is in us. Where
we go, there He is also.
I do not know what God will call me to next; in faith, I am
believing there is more after these next 5 months.
As I am driving home to shower and pack, I’m in bumper to
bumper traffic on 124 and the cold rain is falling. I’m listening to 104.7 “The
Fish” and Beth Bacall reads a quote by S.D. Gordon: “The great people of the
earth today are the people who pray. I do not mean those who talk about prayer,
nor those who can explain about prayer, but I mean those people who take time
and pray…” In reference to the Ft. Lauderdale airport shooting, she was
encouraging us to pray for the
families, to pray for all those
involved and affected by this tragedy. THEN, she played “In the Eye of the Storm” by:
Ryan Stevenson. Both quote and song not only stopped me in my “blues,” but led
me to lift them all up to the Lord. It led me to speak LIFE into my fears. It
led me to fix my thoughts on the promises of God instead of wishing for an
itinerary of my life. As new creations, we should be in the process of
transformation by the renewing of our minds. We aren’t guaranteed a life
delivered of fear, but we learn to run quicker to the Word of God when faced
with opposition. When we get His Word inside us, it becomes part of our thinking.
It changes how we act. Oh, don’t we all want more and more? His Word is the
Bread of Life. It is nourishment to our souls. It feeds us and strengthens us
in supernatural ways! Oh, don’t we want more! I am so thankful for Jesus- He is
the way, the truth, and the life. He is the Word that became flesh. I am so
thankful for His Holy Spirit. {Emmanuel}. He is with us wherever we go! I am so
thankful for our Heavenly Father who has given us the gift of His Holy Spirit!
GOD IS AWESOME!
In regards to prayer, I was reminded of a phone conversation
I had with a guy working with Compassion Ministries earlier this week. The
young man was helping me with some questions and casually asked about my day. I
usually don’t go into detail, but felt compelled to briefly share more than
“it’s good, and yours?” As it kind of just flowed out of my mouth, I was
literally beside myself. I told him that I was running around finishing up
things before I leave for YWAM on Saturday. It opened the conversation for
total encouragement. He had a couple friends who either were apart of YWAM or
had met YWAMers on a separate mission’s trip. Either way, he explained that he
had heard amazing things and knew it would be life changing for me! He then
said he would love to pray over me before we got off the phone if I was okay
with that. WOW! Well, yes! Of course! I did not know this guy, but knew he was
in fact a brother in Christ. God poured out his love and I went about my day
energized even more so. Prayer.
That day before (I think it was) I was in a book store
looking for a small bible to purchase for outreach. The owner and I talked
about her business as she was fairly new in her establishment and then about YWAM
(apparently I can’t help myself.) Even though my head was so foggy from all the
running around and lack of sugar, she didn’t mind that I was below-par.
Numerous times I asked her if she had something and it would be right in front
of my face. I mean there were several more common sense questions I asked that
I could have answered, but she took it in stride. My point, though… At
checkout, I noticed a prayer request book laying on the counter. I thought
twice about it since I was sure she was over “baby-sitting” me, (haha) but I
knew I would regret such an opportunity. I wrote down a prayer request for us
all at YWAM and those God puts in our realm of influence. I walked away so glad
that I did.
So prayer, I’m
learning -all the more- is powerful.
“It releases our eternal resources.
Not only is it the only way in which we communicate with
God, but also the divinely authorized method by which we grab hold of Christ
and gain access to His promises, power and victory.” –Pricilla Shirer
After getting home yesterday, I laid stretched out across my
dad’s bed. (Mine was topped with all that was laid out to go in my suitcase.)
I’m on the phone with my mom weighing out what to do about my flight. Although
it was showing “on schedule,” when I continued to check the status, it was
under inclement weather- I could change it having all fees waived. However, I
would not be arriving to the YWAM base on the first day if I did. I was sad to
think I would be missing all the excitement. Mom, of course, encouraged me to
change it. It wasn’t worth risking, and the chances of it leaving in the
morning was slim-to-none, anyway*. I got off the phone bummed and hung my head
over the bed. Soon thereafter, my phone vibrated…a family friend texted me. She
knew about my dilemma and said she was praying for God to help me and show me
what choice I should make. Praying.
“Oh Lord, I’m sorry. I didn’t take this to you. Not intentionally at least.
Forgive me, Lord. I want what you want and You know what is best.” I looked up
and saw this scripture from Proverbs 3 and Matthew 19 on the side of the bed.Trust in the Lord WITH ALL YOUR
HEART and lean not on your own understanding, but in ALL your ways acknowledge
Him and He will direct your paths…{with God} ALL THINGS are possible.
I knew it was going to come to changing my flight, but I
hadn’t had a peace until after I prayed. My brother even gave me sound advice
as he helped shine another perspective. When my dad came home from work I was
sitting on my floor on hold with the airlines. He also had a positive outlook
and shared godly wisdom! And this “plaque” with the same scripture was above
us.
{{{Hallelujah God is doing a work in my family! Thank You, Lord!}}}
So, I was going to arrive to LA later than I had hoped.
Things would be different…not as I had thought or planned, but the power of
peace was so incredible that I was completely okay and hopeful regardless of
the changes. His peace gave me patience as I sat on hold for 15 with the
airline’s representative. His peace calmed my worries and anxieties. His peace
helped me have a whole new perspective!
I was now given more time to spend with my family before I
left. I had more time to condense my things so that I only needed to check-in
one bag. I had more time to recollect my truest intentions for YWAM amidst all
the fears that tried to steal that away. I’ve been able to focus all because of God’s peace and His sovereignty. I could sit
here all day and try to guess what God’s will and purpose was. There are many
many many many things that He knows that are not for us to know. What if this
was His protection? I began to study those verses in Proverbs that I quoted at
the beginning of this post, the Lord led me to Old Testament stories where
godly men faced opposition from their enemies and God brought their plot to
nothing. Just amazing to know He is Lord Almighty !!!! The LION and the Lamb.
For who could stop Him? There is no one.
“The Lord shall
preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. The Lord shall
preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even
forevermore.” (Psalm 121:7-8)
One thing I do know, and I am SO thankful my mother brought
it to my attention is that there was so much apprehension about going to YWAM,
and now I absolutely can’t wait! When faced with the option to compromise, He
gave me a greater strength to press forward. So, do be encouraged. Fear is
real. But let us make our faith bigger as we move FORWARD like a child ;-] Be
still in your spirit and the Lord will fight for you! Watch as your mountains
MOVE as He honors your choice to move forth in faith! We don’t have to pay mind to our enemies when we know God is Alpha and
Omega. He’s got us in the palm of His hand. YES and AMEN!
If I haven't emphasized prayer enough, here's more! ;-]
"Our praying needs to be pressed and pursued with an energy that never tires, a persistency which will not be denied, and a courage that never fails." -E.M. Bounds
*What would have been my morning flight today- was delayed
11 hours. Thank you all who encouraged me to change it. I actually love
airports, but this extra time at home
has been pretty sweet.
I hope to update you all very soon! Thank you for your
gracious amount of prayers, continued support, and heartfelt encouraging
messages today as I embark on this new adventure with Christ!
*Hugs* as Jesus spurs you on into love and victory!
<3, K
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